11 OKCupid Questions I’d Like To See Put Into Rotation

True facts: I’m still on OKCupid, mostly to gawk at people and to try to answer ALL THE QUESTIONS. I’ve answered 1503 of them. I’m behind.

That being said, I don’t think they’re always as to-the-point as they could be, and some of them are just plain bizarre (and they get weirder the more you answer, trust me on that). I have some ideas for questions that would make it easier for me to discern who should be my friend or not:

QUESTION: On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being “I have no taste buds” and 5 being “GIVES ME LIFE,” what are your feelings on butter?

ANSWERS:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5

My Answer: 5

Acceptable Answers: 5

QUESTION: What percentage of your bookshelf is occupied by male authors?

ANSWERS:

  1. The fact that I never read books by women doesn’t make me sexist, you dumb whore!
  2. I don’t know why that’s important; books are just books.
  3. Well, mostly men, because men’s point of view is more universal.
  4. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but maybe I’ll go pick up some Atwood.
  5. More than I’d like, but I’m working on it.
  6. Eh, 50-50.

My Answer: 6

Acceptable Answers: 4, 5, 6

QUESTION: When was the last time you left a critical comment online and thought it would be a good move to tack “lol” onto the end?

  1. Like 2 minutes ago lol
  2. Maybe like 5 years ago, then I realized that it made me sound like a dick.
  3. Never. Nope nope nope.

My Answer: 3

Acceptable Answers: 2, 3

QUESTION: How many pictures of your dick have you taken in your life?

  1. None
  2. I may or may not have posted to Ladyboners a few times
  3. I do it to have photos to work off of while I’m drawing, all right?
  4. 20+ women I don’t know love seeing pictures of my dick. I like to put it next to a grungy remote for size reference
  5. N/A do not have a dick

My Answer: 3

Acceptable Answers: 1, 2

QUESTION: Who is your favorite Game of Thrones character?

  1. Tyrion, because his misogyny is funny
  2. Hodor, because I find people with disabilities adorable
  3. Bran, because I hate excitement
  4. Arya, because she’s a cute little sociopath
  5. Davos, because I’m boring as fuck
  6. Danaerys, because boobs
  7. Jon Snow, because responsibility and caution turn me on
  8. Oberyn, because I live my life correctly

My Answer: 5

Acceptable Answers: 4, 5, 8

QUESTION: When you hear the phrase “SJW,” what do you do?

  1. Clench my teeth in rage
  2. Roll my eyes in utter exhaustion
  3. Shrug because I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about

My Answer: 2

Acceptable Answers: 2, 3

QUESTION: What does the word “slut” mean?

  1. A female human who has had sex with any number of male humans
  2. A female human who dresses in a way that leaves a lot of skin showing
  3. A female human I don’t like
  4. A female human who believes in women’s rights
  5. Nothing

My Answer: 5

Acceptable Answers: 5

QUESTION: What are your feelings on Beyoncé?

  1. EVERYTHING SHE DOES IS PERFECT
  2. I like her videos?
  3. ILLUMINATI
  4. She’s only famous because of Jay Z and the missing half of my brain!
  5. Who is this.

My Answer: 3

Acceptable Answers: 1, 2, 3

QUESTION: HOW DO YOU FEEL IF I TYPE IN ALL CAPS?

  1. VALIDATED AS A HUMAN BEING
  2. please stop yelling at me
  3. YOU MUST FEEL REALLY STRONGLY ABOUT SOMETHING

My Answer: 1

Acceptable Answers: 1, 3

QUESTION: Fuck, Marry, Kill: New York, Chicago, Los Angeles

  1. Fuck New York, marry Chicago, kill Los Angeles
  2. Fuck New York, marry Los Angeles, kill Chicago.
  3. Fuck Chicago, marry New York, kill Los Angeles.
  4. Fuck Chicago, marry Los Angeles, kill New York.
  5. Fuck Los Angeles, marry Chicago, kill New York.
  6. Fuck Los Angeles, marry New York, kill Chicago.

My Answer: 1

Acceptable Answers: 1

QUESTION: If I say “OOOO-WEEEE-OOOOO,” what do you say?

  1. DORK
  2. *blank stare*
  3. “WEEEEE-oooooo-WOOOOOOO”

My Answer: 3

Acceptable Answers: 1, 2, 3

Rebecca Vipond Brink is a writer, photographer, and traveler. You can follow her at @rebeccavbrink or on her blog, Flare and Fade.