Sleazy Homeless Dude Uses NYC Women For Sex And A Place To Crash

From now on, when people ask me what being single in New York City is like, I’m going to point them towards this video. The dude site Elite Daily profiled a creepy homeless dude named Joe. who proudly describes how he gets by on the cold, hard streets of NYC by stealing supplies like Red Bull and hair gel from Duane Reade and picking up women to bang — excuse me, “lay the good pipe” — so he has a place to sleep. That this guys is actually successful at the latter shows just how dire the dating situation is. [NYMag.com]

I was one of Joe’s would-be pick-ups, and I turned him down! A few weeks ago, I passed Joe on the street in Manhattan on my way home from work. He was sitting on the sidewalk, holding up his “Seeking Human Kindness” sign, and seemed like an interesting guy. He asked me if I would adopt him, which he told me he asks just about everyone. We had a little mini-friendship going for a second there. I offered him some kind of granola bar thing I found in my purse, but he said he’d already gotten enough food from people that day so he’d be set, but that I could go get a drink with him instead. I kindly said nope. To be fair, he was totally transparent about his, ahem, motives for hitting on the ladies. If nothing else, he totally owned douche factor of it all – I’ll give him that. I asked him more questions about himself and he told me that this Elite Daily film was in the works, and that he’d been to prison, and that his parents don’t talk to him – oh, and that someone had told him that day that he was too good-looking to be homeless, which seems like such a strange thing to say. He said he was done sitting on the sidewalk for the day and about to go to the bar. After trying to make me his next conquest about a billion more times after my first no, I think I remember him asking if he could just stay at my house in a not sexual way then? I told him I could send him good vibes and that was about it, and he acted super touched anyway. There was a lot of hugging. His parting words were something complementary about my boobs. So…yeah. That happened. — Claire