Dater X: The Two-Month Curse Strikes Again
It’s been six days since Scar Twin broke up with me.
Everything had been going well until one day last week, it all just … changed. In the beginning of the week, Scar Twin had warned me about his crazy work schedule and how he was going to be busy most nights preparing for the long weekend, so when his texts became scarce and his “just because” phone calls suddenly stopped, I tried to convince myself he was just stressed and busy. But after a couple days of short, lifeless text messages and no mention of getting together over Labor Day weekend, I started to worry that things had taken a bad turn.
I began re-reading our text exchanges to see when his mood suddenly shifted and if I’d said anything that could have rubbed him the wrong way, but nothing jumped out at me as a red flag. The only thing that struck me as odd was the fact that he swung by my house the previous Sunday to return my earrings, which I’d accidentally left on his bedside table the night before when I stayed over at his place. Did he drop off my earrings that day because he was planning on breaking up with me that week and wouldn’t be seeing me again? Why didn’t he just hang onto them? He was near my apartment having dinner with family that night, so it’s possible it was just convenient for him to swing by. I brushed it off, assuming I was overthinking the situation.
But then, his distance over the next few days brought up an all-too-familiar feeling of dread and worry that I’ve dealt with many times before. Having dated for two months, which is right around the time most of my relationships fall apart, I began wondering if our romance had also begun to falter. Two-month territory is make or break time, and all of a sudden, I had a bad feeling. Having only deactivated my OKCupid profile the week before (after Scar Twin’s had remained down for over a month and a half), my suspicions got the best of me and I decided to log into my account to see if he had reactivated his profile sometime in the last six days. Lo and behold, there was his smiling, handsome face — his profile was up and active. My heart dropped into my stomach and I knew this was a very, very bad sign. I immediately sent him a text asking if I could swing by that night after work to talk. He replied: “Yes, I was actually going to ask you to come over. I’ve been wanting to talk too.” I began to prepare myself for the worst.
That night when I got to his place, he offered me a glass of water and we sat on opposite ends of his couch, facing each other. “You first,” he said. I took a deep breath, and so began our quick descent.
“You’ve been acting very distant and strange this week, and I couldn’t figure out why,” I admitted. “So this morning, I logged onto OKCupid with a sneaking suspicion that something was wrong, and found your profile was active again. If you’re not happy, I deserve to know.”
He nodded his head in agreement, and looked me in the eye.
“To be honest, I signed on the other night just out of curiosity when I came to the realization that I’m no longer in this. My feelings for you have changed, not because of anything that you did, but because I just don’t feel the same way about you that I did in the beginning. Things fizzled for me. I’m not feeling excited about us anymore, and I gave myself an extra week or so to see if anything would change, but it all boils down to the fact that I just don’t have the feelings for you that I should at this point. When you texted me this morning asking to talk, I was literally about to hit ‘send’ on a text to you asking you to come over tonight. I assumed you had beat me to the punch.”
I sat there completely baffled, trying to figure out when things went wrong and why. “I understand,” I told him, “but I was under the impression that things were going well. If I did something— anything— that turned you off, made you second guess our relationship or change your mind about me, I would love to know what that was for my own personal knowledge. This seems to happen to me often around the two-month mark, so I’d like to know if I became needy, greedy or maybe did something that was a dealbreaker. Even if telling me will hurt my feelings, I’d prefer to know so that I can prevent it from happening in the future.”
“I don’t think this could have been prevented,” he said sincerely. “You’re smart and funny and beautiful, and me ending this has nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. My best friend couldn’t understand why I was breaking things off with you, and I told him that on paper, you’re perfect, but in reality, the feeling just isn’t there. During the first month, I was crazy about you, but the more we hung out, the more I realized you and I just aren’t compatible. I don’t want to waste your or my time. It’s just not fair to either of us.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, and there was nothing left for me to say. Scar Twin made it very clear that his mind was made up, and that he was following his heart. “I guess I should go then,” I said. “And I’m really sorry things didn’t work out.”
“Me too” he said, and walked me to the door.
“Please just know that I was being honest when I told you that I wanted something serious,” he said. “I wasn’t using you or lying to you about my intentions, and I don’t want you to leave here thinking you’ve wasted your time. I really do think you’re great and don’t regret the last couple of months with you. I’m just not feeling the sparks anymore. I wish I were.”
I kissed him on the cheek and said, “Good luck, and thank you for being honest.” Then I walked out.
The last week has been rough, but I’m finding comfort in the fact that I’m at least now dating guys who are honest and sincere, who don’t just ghost or walk away without giving me the courtesy of an explanation. Sure, I will cry and be sad for a while, but soon I’ll be okay and get back on the horse like I always do. I deserve someone who wants me back. And as the late Tupac Shakur once said, “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened … or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”