I’m grateful — no, thrilled — to live in the golden era of vibrators. We have vibrators for clitoral stimulation, we have vibrators for your G-spot, we have vibrators you can fit inside your purse, we have vibrators you can use in the shower — just about anything you want a vibrator to do (except do your taxes), you can. It’s really one of the better parts of being a woman in 2014. That and indoor plumbing.
But just because a vibrator can do something doesn’t mean it should. That was my takeaway from Lelo’s new toy the Ida, the world’s first rotating and vibrating couple’s massager.
The Ida comes in two parts: a remote control (shaped like a flying saucer) and the rotating vibrator itself (shaped like an apostrophe). Both pieces are made from waterproof silicone and come in purple, pink or black. The rotating body of the vibrator slides inside your vagina like a small purple dildo; you rest the top of the vibe on the outside of your body, over your outer labia. Then you’re supposed to use the remote control to operate the whole thing. When we first operated the rotating head of the Ida (outside of my body to start) with the remote control, my husband whispered to me, “It looks like it’s alive.” And indeed, it does.
I am a woman of simple pleasures. This is not something I knew about myself until Ida’s eight “stimulation” settings hella confused me and my husband. We spent a good 15 minutes or so testing each of the settings, two of which were motion sensitive — i.e. you can control the intensity of the vibrations based on what direction you hold the remote and how hard you shake it — until we finally referred to Dr. Google for clarity. I’ve never had to refer to a YouTube video to figure out how to use a vibrator before:
We coated the dildo-shaped part of the Ida with my favorite lube (Booty Parlor Add Magic) and slid it inside me. Placing the external part of the Ida atop my labia took a little finessing; perhaps the toy is supposed to rest there naturally, but I had to hold it in place with my fingers. I think the outer part was supposed to rest atop my clit while it vibrated, but mine couldn’t reach that far. (I think my clit is really high up? New thing to be paranoid about?)
My husband manned the remote control to try the different rotation and vibration settings inside me. I could feel the head of the Ida rotating inside me, where it was supposed to be stimulating my G-spot. (It didn’t.) Maybe his previous comment that “It looks like it’s alive” was stuck in my brain, but I couldn’t get over the fact that something was moving inside my body without a human being attached to it.
It’s not a feeling that I enjoyed, at all.
But I committed to testing the Ida, so test it we did — we tried all the settings, including the SenseMotion technology-activated ones. It’s definitely a cool toy … but eventually I asked my husband whether he minded if I pulled the Ida out of myself and used it externally as a clitoral vibe. Alas, it didn’t work so well as a clitoral vibe either; I tend to orgasm best with a small concentrated vibration against me. After a disappointing minute or two, we forlornly placed the Ida in the “to wash” pile and scavenged my trusty bullet vibe from the goodie drawer. That did the trick.
Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.