10 Things That Would Have Made Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s Wedding Way More Interesting

This past weekend, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally tied the knot in France after nine years and six kids together, and the details of their big day are just being released. As you can imagine, everything about the nuptials sounded magical from the scent of rosemary and jasmine wafting into the chapel, to the magnificent French and Italian cuisine served afterwards. I’m sure it was a lovely day and all, but don’t you kind of wish Jen Aniston delivered them a big, steamy bag of dog poop from a drone right as they were about to say “I do”? I know I do. Here are 10 other things that didn’t happen, but totally would have made the Brangie wedding more interesting. 

1. Brad accidentally says “I, Ross, take you, Rachel.”

2. Their wedding program reads: “The first rule of the Brangie wedding is you do not talk about the Brangie wedding.”

3. A new adopted child pops out of their wedding cake and surprises guests.

4. They reenact a scene from “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” (preferably one of the steamy sex scenes, because duh).

5. Instead of exchanging vows, they exchange vials of each other’s blood to wear around their respective necks as necklaces.

6. Billy Bob Thornton crashes that shit in his “Bad Santa” costume.

7. Jennifer Aniston hires a skywriter to spell out “Homewrecker” above the chapel.

8. Shiloh, Zahara, Pax, Maddox, Vivienne & Knox do a choreographed dance down the aisle to “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge.

9. Angie stands at the altar in full “Angie pose” with her leg sticking out.

10. Suri Cruise gives their wedding attire scathing reviews on her blog.