These Are The Fall TV Shows We Deserve

Each fall, TV networks try to hook us with exciting new pilots that relate to viewers on a personal and cultural level. But given how few shows actually stay on air from from year to year, it can be tricky for the suits to give the people what they want. And that’s where our pitches come in …

 “No Filter”

Lisa is a tough (but beautiful) AFL-CIO lawyer compiling a class action stop-and-frisk lawsuit who loves Netflix almost as much as she loves justice. Mitchell is a rookie police officer halfway through “Cheers” season 4 who is assigned to patrol duty on her street corner. When Mitchell starts raiding Lisa’s building for an excuse to say hello, will she learn to let her guard – and her voice – down?

“Shirtless & Spandex”

In a post-net neutrality world, two staggeringly hot teens pay a high premium for forbidden cross-provider love. Watch as our hero, just after exiting the shower, calls Comcast in an attempt to switch providers in S&S’s epic four-part season finale.

“Like Factor”

Watch as high school acquaintances sleep with tarantulas, eat “rocky mountain oysters” and get neck tattoos to find out who’s really liked in this reality game show. The contestant with the most Likes on their Facebook page wins $1,000 and an all expense paid trip to Cedars-Sinai.

“Through the iCloud”

FBI Agent Nick Lockwood drops his phone into the Potomac one drunken night. As he visits colleagues in the hopes of rebuilding his address book and his evening, Nick learns the iCloud isn’t as fluffy as it appears.

“Swiped At First Sight”

When Brynn realizes her favorite Uber driver is a potential Tinder match, she can’t wait to take her relationship with MD to the next level (and to have a car for day trips.) When they both fall deeper than expected, Brynn must calculate the risk of losing her connection to the best shortcuts and cheapest therapy in town.

“Ladies Wanted”

Chris, Liam, Dax, and George G. are 20-something best bros from college who hang out in Liam’s sleek Miami club (his dad died – spoiler alert!) working through their relationship problems, which stem largely from the fact that there are absolutely no women on this show. One woman with a visible upper lip mustache appears mysteriously in town during sweeps and Liam contemplates a relationship, but the Georges quickly talk him out of it.

“The Glory Hole Project”

Our team of psychologists, dating experts, and sex therapists has placed glory holes in locker rooms, fitting rooms, and start-up office bathrooms all around the country. Now, singles everywhere will take the glory hole test to determine who’s fitting in – and who’s going home solo.

“The Tonight Show With Your Freshman Year Boyfriend”

Uncanny strides in targeted advertising have given us the technology to find your individual ex-college boyfriend and plop him right into America’s living room. Tune in to recall his trademark good nature, dorky little dance moves, charm with parents, and total disinterest in going down on you. On every goddamn weeknight at 11:35pm because he still loves you and just wants to spend time together.

Leah Prinzivalli is a writer in Brooklyn. Follow her on Twitter! More from Leah:

Tags: funny, humor, tv, tv shows