Dating Don’ts: Is It A Booty Call Or Nah?

Dating Don'ts: Is It A Booty Call Or Nah?
Booty Call Etiquette
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You should not wake your roommate up if you're having a booty call. Read More »

We’ve all been there. Someone you were hot and heavy with will suddenly disappear, as if wiped from this earth, only to reappear in the form of a typo-laden text message one night while you’re doing a face mask in your sweatpants. Like that mosquito that you try endlessly to kill before going to sleep, this text irks you. Maybe you were bummed about the way things ended, and you’re considering entertaining this missive. Maybe you hate this person forever, but didn’t mind having sex with them and could be persuaded to do it again. Communication these days is so very tricky, but never fear, I am here for you. In this day and age, it can be difficult to figure out what precisely constitutes a booty call, and how exactly you should respond to it. Whatever your situation may be, you’re facing the age old question — is it a booty call or nah? Here are some situations you might find yourself in, along my expert assessment so that you might tackle these situations head on.

THE COMMUNICATION: A late night “heeeyyyy” text from someone you have willingly seen naked more than once. 

This missive seems like your standard booty call from a dude that’s trying to get it in after a night of Jagerbombs with his bros, or whatever, but I think it’s crucial that you consider the source. Is this coming from the most successful Tinder date you’ve ever had? Is it someone you dated on and off for years, until they moved away and then are suddenly back in town? Is it your ex-boyfriend who lives in a different time zone and is very clearly out, judging by the fact that it’s 3 a.m. where you are, but only midnight where he is? The source of this text, which at first glance seems like a booty call, is the key to figuring it out.

Verdict: Could go either way.

THE COMMUNICATION: That thing where your phone rings once, and it’s someone you haven’t spoken to in maybe three weeks, but have slept with two to five times and you both enjoyed it.

This is a power move, guys. Recognize it, learn it, add it to your repertoire. Think of how often you use your phone for anything other than Instagram and reading and ignoring your work email. Honestly, the only people that you probably speak to on the phone are your parents, right? So, it’s safe to assume that this phone call is a butt-dial at best, but here is the real question: Why on earth is this person somehow accidentally butt-dialing you if you haven’t talked in three weeks?  Perhaps, they were hovering over your name in their contacts list, ABOUT to text you, but instead, dialed you by accident, panicked, and hung up the phone. Now, that person is top of mind, for better or worse.

Verdict: It’s as meet-cute as a booty call is gonna get, but yep, I’m pretty sure that’s what this is, on some level. Or it’s just an accident. Do what you will.

THE COMMUNICATION: Someone you know from an online dating site suggesting a 12:30 a.m. date on a Tuesday.

Look, maybe they have a job that prevents them from meeting you at a normal time for a first date. Maybe they work weird shifts and can really only carve out time in the wee hours of a weeknight morning. I was entertaining a series of OK Cupid messages from a dude who was reasonably attractive and interesting. I am a reluctant and infrequent online dater, so the fact that I was willing to go on a date with this person spoke to his character. When I suggested an after work drink somewhere well-lit and normal, he countered with a midnight drink on a Wednesday, something that would have appealed to me in my high-flying youth but now seems suspect.

Verdict: I ran the situation by a trusted male friend who assured me that this was indeed a booty call.

THE COMMUNICATION: A person you have briefly dated, but very casually, making plans with you as the last stop on their night. 

Once again, this is purely situational. I would say at first that the lateness of the plans being made, and the way that you are shoehorned in as an afterthought, would point straight towards booty call … but hear me out. Sometimes cynicism and a general distrust of humanity clouds your vision so that you can’t see people’s intentions clearly. Yes, it does seem like by being scheduled in at the end of the night with someone that you have slept with once or twice (or maybe three times, but who’s counting) is merely a means of setting up guaranteed sex. Maybe the date for the nightcap is just that — a time when both of you were able to meet for one drink, maybe two, and perhaps kiss on the mouth for a brief time before retiring to your separate homes. Or, maybe you’ll get laid. In this case, the choice is yours!

Verdict: I’m going to be bold and say that it could be a booty call — but it’s up to you.

THE COMMUNICATION: An unsolicited dick pic from someone you know.

This isn’t a booty call, it’s just gross. Dick pics in their own right are alarming enough, even when you’re expecting it. There’s very little you can do to make an erect penis — just an erect penis — look attractive in an iPhone picture. Wherever you point that camera, it’s still going to look like you’re holding a weird meat tube.We all know where that thing goes, but there’s not much about looking directly into its steady, unblinking eye that’s erotic or alluring. So, while it may seem like this is definite invitation to get some, I clearly see this for what it really is — some dude being gross slinging his dong around.

Verdict: Nah.

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