Who Wants A Stripper When She Can Have A “ManServant”?

According to a new company named ManServants, what women really want is “a man who treats you like a queen.” And what queens want, apparently, are personal butlers/handymen/fake boyfriends. (But not, to be clear, strippers or gigolos.) The San Francisco company will hire “ManServant” who meets your exact specifications — any hair color, any dress code — who will answer to any name you call him. He’ll address all his female clients as “my lady” and respond to any request with “as you wish.” The ManServant will serve you drinks, fix your flats, chauffer you around, and even speak in an accent if you so desire.

And all it takes is cold hard cash! I already have attractive friends. What I don’t have is a minion who does chores. Let’s pool our savings, shall we? Some task ideas for the ManServant I will definitely spend my hard-earned money on:

  1. Get me to Inbox Zero.
  2. Hang nearby and whisper “Great choice!” at opportune moments. Applaud every so often.
  3. Tell my parents about my tattoo.
  4. Stick around until bedtime and remind me to moisturize.
  5. Don’t let me drink too many sugary drinks. A few is fine! Who’s the servant here? Figure it out.
  6. Laugh at 90 percent of things I say, most significantly my “little outbursts” at the TV. Don’t phone it in and laugh at everything! Channel your acting lessons.
  7. Empty the litter box.
  8. Dust under the bed.
  9. Proofread.
  10. Talk to me about “The Leftovers.” (Why will no one talk to me about “The Leftovers”?)
  11. Complete my LinkedIn profile once and for all.
  12. Ok, this is technically illegal, but sit out on my fire escape with a beer. I’ve been meaning to test if the cops will bother walking up here to give out a ticket.
  13. Attend a bachelorette party or two on my behalf.
  14. Plan a location-based bachelorette party in mid-fall for six bridesmaids and a very eager bride.
  15. Write blog posts about new companies so they send a complimentary tester of their services to your door.

P.S. Feel free to watch “Pretty Woman” while you work!

Leah Prinzivalli is a writer in Brooklyn. Follow her on Twitter!