Last week, Elite Daily’s Dan Scotti made a super-duper list of cute, low-key things girls can do that men can’t get enough of. Elite Daily touts itself as “the voice of Generation Y,” and obviously speaks for people like me (it notably doesn’t include refraining from ending sentences with prepositions). Since I’m awesome at making completely serious lists like this from a woman’s perspective, Amelia sent it my way and suggested I should take a shot at it. When I read it, I was like, “Hell yeah! I’ve got three super-cute nephews!” So, here goes:
1. Make us macaroni necklaces and construction paper cards. Whether we’re your mom, aunt, grandma, older cousin, family friend, or teacher, we cherish the effort you put into making things with us in mind. It’s super-considerate, and we’ll keep those little things for the rest of our lives because we love all the wonderful, kind, and loving things that come out of your brain.
2. Help us make cookies. When I was growing up, my mom figured that no matter how young you are, if you can hold a spoon, you can help in the kitchen. Making cookies with her provided some of my fondest memories. Now, my sisters and my mom and I all get to make cookies with my sister’s boys. It’s so much fun teaching them how to make the dough, cut out or drop the cookies, decorating them with powdered sugar icing, letting them eat the last bits of dough off of a spatula. When your activities with boys end with happy boys and cookies, who could possibly complain?
3. Tell us about the kid you have a crush on at school. I know boys can be shy about admitting when they have a crush. My nephews are 9, 4, and almost 2, so so far we only have the oldest to tease about it. I’m proud that he has a diverse group of friends that includes plenty of both girls and boys, and he’s a good friend to them — but it’s also super-adorable when he clams up over talking about who he has a crush on!
4. Play with puppies. My two oldest nephews got to be around my childhood dog, Kody, for a good while before he passed away two years ago. They both loved him: He was a super-chill, super-friendly Jack Russell. Playing with Kody made them happy, and made Kody happy too. What’s cuter than kids and puppies?
5. Make a beard for yourself with bubble bath bubbles. It’s so cute when boys play with bubbles! When you make a bubble bath beard for yourself, we know it’s because you just want to be grown-up, but we’re so happy that you have a long way to go before you’re out of childhood, yet.
6. Be a –
– whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, stop the list, stop the list. That Elite Daily article was addressed to grown women? Then why did the author call us “girls”? Why did he keep talking about it as if it’s “cute” to him when women are less knowledgeable than him or try and fail at things, the way people talk about kids? What kind of weird daddy complex does this guy have? Is the voice of Generation Y really this patronizing to women? Why does this have 26,000 likes?
I quit Earth.