Dater X: Moving Right Along, Looking For The Red Flags

In dating, it’s always important to smile, laugh, respect each other and feel a mutual connection, but until now, I can honestly say I’d forgotten what it feels like to be comfortable with someone, how to be my truest self from the get-go. At no fault of my own, I feel like that missing piece wasn’t something I had much control over. I truly believe it takes the right person to draw that authenticity out of you. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen. But when it does happen, that comfort can create a little blind spot where red flags go to hide. I, more now than ever, am on the lookout for them.

A few days ago, I had my third date with Scar Twin. As I mentioned last week, he invited me to his place for dinner, and I was eager to see how skilled he was in the kitchen. When I arrived, he answered the door in jeans, a fitted blue t-shirt that showed off his toned chest (yum) and bare feet, and pulled me in for a big hug and kiss. At first glance, his apartment looked clean, trendy and masculine, yet welcoming, like the home of an established professional who lives inside of a Pier 1 catalogue, as opposed to the several mismatched bachelor pads I’ve seen in my dating heyday. He hung up my jacket and purse, poured me a glass of wine and gave me a quick tour. As he cooked—the chef’s special was Chicken Cordon Bleu with garlic, and soy green beans and a summer salad— we talked and I checked out his place. Conversation was easy and familiar, and as we talked, it was easy to picture myself coming home to him at the end of the day and unwinding the exact way we were. As we talked, he mentioned my best friends by name, asked me about a family situation I’d mentioned to him earlier in the week and then he shared some of his own family stories with me. Finally, someone who actually pays attention and cares.

Dinner was delicious and the night was going well, so I wasn’t at all surprised when he asked if I wanted to watch a movie, which is usually code for Let’s Take Our Clothes Off. I was prepared for something physical to happen, and quite frankly, I wanted it to happen. The true test would be whether or not he seemed respectful of the fact that I wasn’t willing to sleep with him just yet, and whether or not he would want to keep seeing me after that. I wanted to make sure Scar Twin was as interested in commitment as he says, and wasn’t just looking for easy sex. So, like clockwork, halfway into the shitty movie, things started heating up on the couch and we headed into the bedroom. For starters, I would like to say that Scar Twin is hella generous. I’m talking very, VERY giving and communicative, which I love. He went above and beyond the call of duty, which was a luxury I’ve missed. As expected, at some point during our hookup sesh, sex was on the table and I told him that I wanted to wait. He completely understood and didn’t let that hold him back from making sure I was happy. When he was done, I returned the favor because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. We have great sexual chemistry, which is always a relief when you’re testing the waters with someone new. Afterward, we hung out naked in his bed for a while and talked like we we’d done it 30 times before. And then he muttered this:

“I’m not sure if I should tell you this,” he said, looking at me and smirking, “but…”

OH. MY. GOD. Does he have a girlfriend? Does he have herpes? is he going to break things off? So many thoughts were going through my head, and not one of them was comforting.

“But WHAT?!” I barked.

“But that was probably the fastest anybody has ever made me come,” he said laughing. “I’m genuinely impressed. You just keep getting better and better.”

“THAT was what you were going to tell me? That you enjoyed your blowjob?” I was so damn relieved. “I could kill you right now. I thought you were going to tell me you had an STD or something!”

We laughed about his poor timing for a while, hung out a bit longer, and when it was finally time to head home, he walked me out, kissed me goodbye and sent me on my way with a doggy bag of chicken cordon bleu. I texted him when I got home safely, per his request, and he quickly responded.

“Glad you’re home safe, but more importantly, did the chicken make it home safe? I had fun tonight and loved having you over. When can I see you again?”

And then I saw him again two nights later, this time at my apartment. I behaved myself again (thank you, thank you very much) and things have been moving right along. That night, he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and meet his friends in the city in a couple weeks— another good sign. Then, later that night when my roommate came home, she asked to see a picture of Scar Twin. I pulled out my phone, opened up OKCupid and scrolled down to our message thread. When I found it, I was surprised to see an icon of a silhouette, instead of his profile picture next to our conversation. Above our chat was an alert message from the site.

“This user has deactivated or disabled his profile.”