This morning, I was telling Sophie about the time my father kept throwing “the shocker” in family photos after his “friends” from work lied and told him it meant ‘I’m badass.’ Now, we have a pile of photos from a reunion barbecue that need to be incinerated before they make their way to the internet. We then got to talking about other funny regretful moments, like that time I took a bottle of Poland Spring off of my friend’s desk and guzzled it down to find that he was just storing rubbing alcohol in the water bottle. But I’m not the only one with regrets— we all have ‘em. So, without further ado, here are 30 other life regrets everyone can relate to.
1) Not buying toilet paper before having Mexican for lunch.
2) Not bringing the umbrella with you, and then it starts pouring but you’re “too far” to turn back.
3) That horrid “trendy” blue nail polish you tried that was not at all flattering with your skin tone.
4) Participating in a cleanse when you sit the farthest away from the office bathroom.
5) Having Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” as your phone ringtone for an entire year.
6) That last tequila shot.
7) Buying all of the salad toppings and dressing, then forgetting to buy the lettuce.
8) Cutting your own hair as an act of childhood rebellion.
9) Feeling gassy and then having sex anyway, being forced to clench your butt cheeks the whole time.
10) Asking your mom to put the “My Child Made Middle School Honor Roll” bumper sticker on her car all those years ago…which is still there.
11) Sending a sext to the wrong person and having them respond thinking it was meant for them.
12) Not flirting with the guy you see every morning on the train, and then he stops showing up.
13) Attempting to beat The Saltine Challenge.
14) Flipping off the bad driver in the car next to you, and pulling up beside her to realize she’s a nun.
15) Using any porta-potty ever.
16) Wearing that white bikini that showed your entire vagina as soon as you were submerged in water.
17) Not bringing headphones with you, then ending up on public transit next to a loud talker.
18) The tramp stamp you got in college of your favorite band’s logo.
19) Not bringing a spare pair of flats or flip-flops with you when you’re wearing sky-high heels guaranteed to hurt after 6 minutes.
20) Not bringing condoms with you because you don’t “want anything to happen yet”… and then it does…then you’re pregnant.
21) Going commando and then forgetting about it and stopping to try on clothes.
22) Agreeing to go to the beach in between waxes
23) Casually mentioning you’d be happy to babysit, and then actually having to babysit.
24) Planning a romantic getaway without realizing you’ll have your period that weekend.
25) Accidentally butt dialing the person you’re talking shit about.
26) All those pictures of you throwing “the shocker” that ended up on Facebook.
27) Not peeing before you leave the house.
28) Going to see an R-rated movie with your parents, that has a 10-minute fetish sex scene.
29) Politely smiling at the person next to you on the subway, which results in them chewing your ear off (figuratively or literally).
30) Knowingly sharing food with someone who has the sniffles, and ending up with the bubonic plague.