No, Andi Dorfman Was Not Slut-Shamed On Last Night’s Shocking “Bachelorette” Finale

How about that “Bachelorette” finale, huh? Crazy! Unexpected! An incredibly annoying for more reasons than I can count. After the jump, I’ll break down — okay, rant about in a somewhat meandering fashion — Andi Dorfman’s “controversial” final rose decision, the OMG revelation that sex actually happens in the Fantasy Suite, and why cries that Andi was “slut-shamed” on “After the Final Rose” are totally ridiculous.

For weeks now, it’s been abundantly clear that Andi’s final two men would be Nick, the soft spoken, sensitive Wisconsin dude with whom she shared an undeniable emotional, mental and physical connection, and Josh, the fun-loving jock with the bizarro hairline who also happens to be from her hometown. What hasn’t been as obvious to me is who she would choose in the end, largely because I’ve watched this show long enough to know that if it seems obvious, expect a twist. Week after week, I found myself thinking, It seems so obvious that she’s going to pick Nick, that she must not pick him in the end. As Nick fell deeper in love with Andi, he asked her for signs of reassurance that she was feeling the same way, and she gave them over and over again, until finally my doubts were quieted. I mean, how can she NOT pick him?

Andi and Nick — who, I should mention, I have no personal preference for, as I found all of the guys on this season to be total duds — not only sparked like crazy (they couldn’t keep their hands off each other) but also shared  a genuine, deep connection that both seemingly valued as rare and difficult to find. Andi and Josh certainly had a connection too, but as Andi told us time and time again, her attraction to Josh seemed almost entirely based on him being her usual “type.” As Andi was looking to broaden her horizons, she expressed her fears that Josh was too good to be true, with the two often butting heads over her doubts. As a viewer, I found it difficult to rally behind Andi and Josh as a couple, because while they made more sense than Nick and Andi on paper — as one of my followers put it last night, “Southern basics unite” — I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was so “good” about Josh anyway. Was it his inability to talk about anything but his brother and baseball? Or was it his expertise at loud kissing? I mean, honestly, Josh was cute and nice and all, but there is nothing there.

Because Andi refused to speak to Nick after she ended it with him, they were forced to have their first in person conversation ON LIVE TELEVISION. Nick, still in love with Andi and nursing his would, was clearly flustered and nervous; Andi, as you might expect from someone who gives her blindsided ex the silent treatment for no reason, was cold and volunteered very little answers. Finally Nick dropped a bomb. “Feeling like you did, if you knew how in love with you I was, why did you make love with me?” In the franchise’s 50 million seasons, the subject of sex — specifically sex in the fantasy suite — is RARELY if ever discussed, but c’mon, with the exception of particularly religious cast members, don’t we all know THEY ALL FUCK IN THE FANTASTY SUITE. They’re adults. That’s what adults do. Nick just dared to bring it up not, as many people on my Twitter feed posited, to “slut-shame” her, but as an example of her LEADING HIM ON EMOTIONALLY. Because for Nick, sex with Andi was an expression of his love for her, love he expressed to her time and time again. I don’t judge Andi for sleeping with Nick. I don’t think she’s a slut for sleeping with her final two. I do think Nick asking her why she had sex with him knowing it was more meaningful to him than it was for her IS A REASONABLE QUESTION to ask of someone who’s broken your heart. This happens all the time in life! People have sex and then they break up and it sucks and it hurts and sometimes people are left with questions. Ideally, you’re given the opportunity to ask those personal questions OFF camera, but alas, Andi made that impossible. Sorry, girl.

Alas, many people on my Twitter feed saw it different, decrying Nick for “slut shaming” Andi. First of all, that word is thrown around way too much. Is the very act of questioning someone’s motivations for having sex slut shaming now? Newsflash: Sex isn’t just sex for everyone, with everyone, all the time, in perpetuity. Sometimes men are more emotionally sensitive than women! Can you believe it?! When Nick asked Andi about why she had sex with him, he wasn’t asking, “How dare you have sex with me and then Josh and then pick Josh to have sex with for the rest of your life, you whore!” He was saying, “I made it clear to you what having sex with you would mean to me and your willingness to go there further led me on emotionally.” Andi/viewers can disagree with that assessment — and Andi sure as shit was mad he said it, probably because, ahem, Josh didn’t know — but offended? Slutshamed? GIVE ME A BREAK. Call me crazy, but if the genders/situation were reversed and Andi had asked that question of Nick, we’d ALL be applauding. Andi wasn’t being slut-shamed; if anything, she was being ASSHOLE-SHAMED — and she earned every bit of it.