Man Visits Prison With An Impressive Amount Of Stuff Up His Butt

Another day, another fool trying to shove things up his butt to hide them from cops. This time, 35-year-old André Silva de Jesus was visiting his local prison in Ribeirao das Neves, Brazil, when he appeared “nervous,” and was pulled aside for an inspection. Claiming he had a pacemaker, André informed the prison guards he couldn’t go through the metal detector.

Little did cops know that they would ultimately find enough crap to rival an entire “Storage Wars” unit, all tucked away in his tush.

All of these items were removed from André’s rectum:

  • Two cell phones
  • Two batteries
  • One pair of pliers
  • Two drill bits
  • Eight small hacksaws
  • Five nails
  • Three SIM cards
  • A rainbow unicorn

…okay, we’re just kidding about the unicorn, but it MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN UP THERE. According to a press release from the Secretariat for Prison Administration, an internal investigation has been launched to discover how the man was able to make it so far through processing. But if you ask me the “internal investigation” has already been very thorough … if you know what I’m sayin’. [Death And Taxes]