Dater X: Of Course, It’s Too Early To Know If He’s The One

For the past 10 months or so that I’ve been sharing my love life with you as Dater X, my search for a soul mate has gone from a persistent, relentless hunt to a deeper understanding of myself and of what I’m looking for in a lifelong partner. It’s not always easy to hop on here week after week and divulge my successes, failures, pain and mishaps to a world of strangers, but I choose to do it because I want to. I like it. Writing about my experiences forces me to sit back, relive and reevaluate the situations I find myself in, which is a great form of cheap therapy if you ask me. But in addition to that, I’m able to ingest all of your comments about my dating life and look at my world from a different perspective. Many of you have been down this road before, others are traveling along with me. Sometimes your comments provide sound advice, but at the end of the day, it’s my journey. I have to follow my heart and go with my gut, knowing that you’re all only seeing one small, 800-word piece of a much larger puzzle. This is one of those times.

Just last week, I told you about an awesome date I went on with Scar Twin (followed by an “America’s Funniest Home Videos”-worthy fall). We had a fun night out on the town, a great kiss goodnight, and after a week of long phone calls and hilarious texts since then (many of which he initiated), I’m seeing him again this week for date number two. But after my last Dater X installment, it became evident that quite a few of you think I’m incapable of going out with someone new and enjoying myself without immediately assuming I’ve found my husband. That’s simply untrue. I don’t think every guy I date is “the one,” but do I ask myself on the first date if I could see him being “the one”? Of course. Would he get along with my family and friends? Does he have interesting things to say? Is he thoughtful and chivalrous? Do we have chemistry? Those are all qualities that should be evident from the get-go, and I think a big part of the reason I’m still single is because I’m not willing to lower the bar when it comes to what I want, need and expect from a partner. I’ve met lot of guys who are perfectly nice and sweet, but ultimately aren’t right for me. And, like my Dater X column and what I share with all of you, Scar Twin was only able to show me a small sliver of who he is that night we went out. There’s more to him than what he shared, just like there’s more to me than what I’ve shared.

So far, I like Scar Twin. He’s handsome, sarcastic (we’re cut from the same cloth), athletic, driven and passionate. He prefers calling over texting, the beach over the snow, can’t get enough of active, outdoor activities, and cooks a mean Italian meal “that would make my grandma jealous” (so he claims). On top of that, we have great chemistry, which is something I expect none of you to know about since you weren’t there (but trust me — it’s there). I’m not obsessing over him or hanging onto his every word, I’m not coming off as desperate (as I’m all too familiar with that),I don’t expect to hear from him every day, I’m not putting all of my eggs in one basket, and I’m not picking out our china patterns just yet. Just because I met someone nice and I’m always hopeful that a guy I go out with could be the last guy I go out with, doesn’t mean I’m desperate.

I don’t expect you all to know everything about me and how I portray myself, because you don’t know me personally, and I can’t hold that against you. But what I can do is go out with people, figure out how I’m feeling about them and be 100 percent honest with all of you about those feelings. You can tell me I did something wrong, should have approached something differently or that I made a mistake, and I welcome it. But no one can tell me how I feel about someone, because only I know that. And so far, Scar Twin is off to a pretty good start.