Today In Terrifying: You Can Put Your Selfies On Toast
If social media is becoming too boring of an outlet for your selfies, consider the untapped market that is personalized toast. For a mere $75, the “toast engineers” at a novelty toaster company in Vermont will splice your high-resolution photo into a toaster, forever to be printed on Wonderbread slices of your choice. After all, “you don’t have to be famous or Jesus to have your face on toast!” (Yes, that is an actual thing their website says.)
Is there any greater gift than this in today’s age of widespread narcissism? The company’s goal is to make personalized toast more accessible to us commonfolk, because celebrities shouldn’t be the only ones who get to “create fun breakfast memories” of eating their own faces. Well, I guess toast equality one way to stick it to the one percent.
The order page also comes with this warning:
We are good but remember fine detail is darn near impossible to achieve with heat and toast. If we squint and can’t see your face we will cancel order and refund your purchase.
At least they’re honest! You can order your own selfie toaster right here, but please keep in mind that if you serve me a slice of toast with your face on it, we probably can’t be friends anymore. Nothing personal, it just creeps me out too much.
[Image via Toasted Selfies]