Frisky Rant: I Get Laid Plenty, And I’m Still A Feminist

Guys, close your eyes and imagine this.  You’re just trying to go about your life and do your thing, but there’s this chick who keeps tapping you on the shoulder to tell you really dumb, childish things.  She’ll say stuff like, “Hey, your shorts are stupid, and you look like shit in them.”  When you tell her she’s being an asshole, she claims you’re uptight and replies: “You just need to get laid!”

What the hell sense does that make, right?  The idea is that somehow you having sex will make you feel less angry about her being objectively rude.

This is a real thing that happened to me recently.  A guy made a blanket statement on social media that all women look like shit in high-waisted shorts and that we should all stop wearing them.  I pointed out that A) there’s a long history of men telling women what to wear that’s been detrimental toward our relationships with our bodies, and that’s sexist and uncool, B) we couldn’t possibly please everyone with what we wear because everyone’s got different tastes, so most people just wear what they want because they like it, and C) it’s rude to tell people they look like shit, especially when they didn’t ask for your opinion.  The response I got was two-fold: “You’re a cunt,” and “You obviously need to get laid.”

OK.  Well, not that it’s anyone’s business, but I get laid plenty.  And even if I didn’t, lack of dick is not what makes me an outspoken feminist.  I didn’t wake up one day and go, “I haven’t had sex in [period of time], therefore I’m angry that women have been systemically oppressed for the last several thousands of years,” because I’m a rational person and that makes absolutely no sense.  It also doesn’t make sense to think that if I did go ahead and have sex, all of my knowledge and experience of sexism and gender relations in history would just fall out of my head.  My boyfriend’s D is not a magic wand that’ll “Men In Black” my brain into blissful emptiness.

There are so many problems with the whole “Feminists just need to get laid!” thing. Like, first of all, I’m not uptight if I’m angry about injustice. I’m just rightfully angry about injustice. Should I be sorry? I understand that sometimes I can be a buzzkill and rain on people’s parades when they think they’re being funny, but frankly, it quite pleases me to rain on bigot parades and call out sexism and racism when I come across it.  I like funny stuff, and I chillax plenty.  But telling women they look like shit and ought to conform to your standards for their clothes (about which you know nothing [Jon Snow]) isn’t funny, it’s entitled and stupid, so forgive me if I do my part to change the conversation my network has about women’s bodies by pointing that out.

Second, the idea that sex is a cure-all is creepy and weird.  You know who else thought that sex makes things magically better?  Saying “You just need to get laid!” is about a step or so from saying “Give ‘er some D, that’ll shut ‘er up!”  It’s in the same general arena of thought that says that sex can be used to control people.

But let’s get straight what sex really is, when it’s a happy and productive experience: A way to reproduce, a way to express intimacy, and/or a way to experience physical pleasure.  The dopamine that’s released when you have sex is enough to relieve stress, but it’s not like stress relief is going to change someone’s experiences, outlook, or personality.  You cannot change another human being with your genitals.  Sex is not a weapon or a method of control if you’re a normal, healthy-minded, decent human being.  That seems like a pretty basic assumption to make, and the fact that it has to be pointed out is tiring and ridiculous.

So, no.  I do not need to get laid.  If you want me to shut up about your sexism, the best way to make it happen is to not be sexist.

Rebecca Vipond Brink is a writer, photographer, and traveler.  You can follow her at @rebeccavbrink or on her blog, Flare and Fade.