There should be some sort of adult lady merit badge for sitting through four hours of “The Bachelorette” in 48 hours. I’m just saying. Let’s review last night’s episode, which featured the most emotionally manipulative date I’ve ever witnessed on this stupid show that I just can’t quit, not to mention an unexpected departure.
DATE MOST LIKELY TO TRIGGER HEARTBREAKING MEMORIES OF FAMILY TRAGEDY: Andi Takes Dylan On A Date To His Hometown…
…with the obvious purpose, likely instigated by the producers, of forcing him to talk about both his siblings dying from drug overdoses. Never in 20 million seasons has a Bachelor/Bachelorette visited a hometown until the final four, yet for some reason, Andi decided to take Dylan on a one-on-one date to his hometown. First they rode around on a train and Dylan was clearly distracted and flooded with memories, but he held back, I suspect because he really, really did not want to get into it on camera. But Andi kept pushing and she made it clear she knew he was hiding something. Now, I don’t know how much she knew in advance, but come on — producers knew exactly what they were doing. Finally at dinner, Dylan told the whole story and it was so heartbreaking and I swear, you could see GUILT in Andi’s face, knowing she was a party to basically badgering this guy into telling his sob story.
MOST EXCITING OPPORTUNITY FOR THE BACHELORETTE AND A SUITOR TO SHIT THEMSELVES: Andi and Marcus Repel Down The Side Of A Building
I’m pretty game to give most things a shot, but holy shit, repelling down the side of building, especially when it’s that windy, looks terrifying. That being said, I kept hoping one or both of them would shit themselves and it would be worth sitting through Andi being so damn gun shy. Sadly, it didn’t happen. Missed opportunity, ABC! You’ve manipulated everything else about this show, couldn’t you have slipped a laxative in Andi’s coffee to make this date even more exciting and bonding? The couple that shits themselves together, stays together, after all.
MOST LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A LESS-CUTE BUT STILL TOTALLY BANGABLE RYAN GOSLING: Marcus
I admit it.
MOST STRANGELY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE FIGHT: Eric Says Andi Has A Poker Face
Okay, so I did not see this coming. Eric Hill, the contestant who passed a few months ago, after he stopped filming the show, was given the boot last night, but before the rose ceremony, after he and Andi got into a disagreement when he said she always had a poker face. Basically, Andi took that to mean he was saying she was fake. Which I think he kind of was, in that he clearly hates all the “Bachelorette” pageantry and kept saying he wanted to see her be more “real.” The fight seemingly escalated out of nowhere, so my hunch is that a lot was edited out so that Eric didn’t look as dickish as he was clearly coming off to Andi, who was seriously infuriated and upset by his words. Personally, I thought Eric was being passive aggressively insulting to Andi, and that it takes a lot of nerve to tell someone you’re just starting to get to know what parts of them you like and which you don’t. I was glad to see Andi give him the boot, and I imagine it was crushing to learn only a few weeks later that he had passed away. After Eric drove away in a cab, ABC ditched the usual rose ceremony portion — Tasos got the boot, we learned later — in favor of a short interview between Andi and Chris about Eric and his departure. It was a classy move on ABC’s part, but also an attempt to spin his being booted from the show out of respect for his family and to save face for themselves.
Roses: Josh, JJ, Nick, Marcus, Brian, Marquel, Cody, Patrick, Chris, Dylan and Andrew
Eliminated: Eric and Tasos