An Imagined Conversation With Pandora Radio About Its Obsession With The Song, “Sail”

Me: Ooh, I liked that song. Thumbs up, Pandora.

Pandora: Great! Glad you liked it. Since you liked that song, I think you will LOVE this next song: it’s called “Sail” by AWOLNATION.

Me: Hmm … OK, sure. That song is kind of old and overplayed, but it’s catchy enough.

Pandora: Since you didn’t thumbs up or thumbs down that song, I have another one I think you’re going to just love: “Sail” by AWOLNATION.

Me: But that’s the same song you just played.

Pandora: Nope, this is the Megosaur United Club Remixx version.

Me: It sounds exactly the same.

Pandora: It’s different. There is slightly more bass in this one. I think you will like it!

Me: I literally just heard this song, so I’m gonna skip it.

Pandora: Since you didn’t like that song, I have another one that’s a winner for sure! It’s called “Sail.”

Me: What?!?! STOP THIS.

Pandora: No silly, this is the Bumblebee Crew Dance Jam Remix.

Me: IT SOUNDS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE ORIGINAL AND THAT OTHER REMIX.

Pandora: To an untrained ear, perhaps, but it’s quite different. Did you not notice the slightly longer pause before the chorus in this one?

Me: Thumbs. Down.

Pandora: Sigh. I guess we need to go in a different direction. How about the Bar Mitzvah Beatz Remix of “Sail”?

Me: For serious?

Pandora: Give this one a chance! It has a cool echo effect at the two-minute mark. Wait for it … wait for it…

Me: UNNNGGGHHH. I’m gonna switch stations completely.

Pandora: As you wish.

Me: Let’s see … I need something very un-AWOLNATION-esque. How about Enya?

Pandora: Great choice! Let’s start things off with a song that encompasses all the musical qualities of Enya: “Sail” by AWOLNATION.

Me: I can’t.

Pandora: Do you like Gotye?

Me: I’m leaving you for Spotify.