If you didn’t yet hear the sad news, Luke Bryan fell off a stage while doing some intense hip gyrating during a concert in Charlotte, North Carolina yesterday. He managed to get back up and finish the song, but later took to Twitter to reveal he’d needed to get stitches after the show. Our reaction? POOR LUKIE POOKIE WE WILL KISS IT AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER!!! In the spirit of altruism and public service, we would like to selflessly volunteer to help nurse Luke back to health in any of the following ways:
1. Give him a sponge bath. The kind where we are in the bath with him and we are both naked.
2. Rub him down with sensual massage oils.
3. Serenade him with “Country Girl (Shake It For Me)” while shaking it for him.
4. Lick his wounds.
5. Slowly rub an ice cube across his chest.
6. Two words: Sex. Therapy.
7. Make him a country ride hip-hop mix tape (with a little Conway and a little T-Pain, obvi).
8. Wear a slutty nurse outfit and feed him chocolate-covered strawberries.
9. Lay our hands upon his heart chakra and chant healing lyrics.
10. Help him with pelvic thrust physical therapy to get him back in tip top shape.