12 Signs You Might Need To Check Your Vibes

Yesterday I was taking an early morning walk around downtown Nashville, as I do most days before work. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, lots of people were out jogging, biking, or taking leisurely strolls. I was greeted with many jovial “morning, ma’am!”s. I might have whistled the tune to “Zip-ah-dee-doo-dah” at one point. It was a perfect morning. And then I turned a corner and came face to face with a guy wearing a giant yellow raincoat, with a battered snow shovel propped up on his shoulder. He shuffled by me, glaring and muttering. The only thing that ran through my head, once I was reasonably sure he wasn’t going to murder me, was, “Buddy, you need to check your vibes.” Just a quick vibe check in the morning before heading out the door — a glance in the mirror, a second thought about accessorizing with a weirdly threatening snow shovel on a sunny day in May — could have vastly improved the situation. But hey, it’s not just this guy; we could all use a vibe check every once in awhile. Here are 12 signs you might need to check yours:

1. Are you talking on your phone SUPER loudly in a relatively quiet public place? Does your conversation have to do with medical test results and/or a weird thing that happened during sex last night and/or a fight you had with your mom? Check your vibes.

2. Are you wearing a bedpan as a hat? Check your vibes.

3. Are you about to push “submit” on an internet comment that says, “Dats fuckin gaaaaay”? Check your vibes.

4. Are you raising your hand in class to tell a reeeeaaallly long personal story that has absolutely no bearing on the lesson and no relevancy to anyone in the room? Check your vibes.

5. Are you eating a tuna sandwich and/or clipping your nails on the bus? Check your vibes.

6. Are you signing your tax returns in blood as a protest against the evils of Obamacare? Check your vibes.

7. Are you writing a Yelp review of a chain restaurant that begins with the phrase, “Let me start by saying I studied abroad in Siena for 2 months, so I know linguini”? Check your vibes.

8. Are you paying someone to put diapers on your dogs? Check your vibes.

9. Are you recounting, in great detail, a marginally funny skit from an episode of SNL a few months ago and wondering why no one is laughing? Check your vibes.

10. Are you blowing your nose in a Starbucks napkin and then crumpling it up and leaving it next to the carafe of half and half? Check your vibes.

11. Are you carrying an antique ventriloquist dummy around in a baby bjorn? Check your vibes.

12. Are you asking your coworkers to help you pop a back zit and getting offended when they decline? Check your vibes, dude. Just check your damn vibes.

[Good Vibes Only print available on Etsy]