Here is the recipe for Avril Lavigne’s music video for her new single, “Hello Kitty”:
- 10 heaping scoops of Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku appropriation phase
- 3 cups Skrillex hair
- 2 cups assorted Skrillex noises (OK to sub generic brand “Scrillecks” here)
- 1.5 cups “Wait, isn’t Avril Lavigne my age? Why is this making me feel so old? Why is this song so loud? Why is she still singing about slumber parties?”
- 5 tablespoons PROBLEMATIC
- 2 tablespoons of that time you had a Skittles-eating contest with your brother and vomited rainbow-colored bile.
- A pinch of the most awkward sushi restaurant scene since you saw a white guy bow to the chef at a conveyer belt sushi restaurant in a suburban strip mall in Utah.
- Crumble “SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WTF” over the top and bake until crisp.
Yeeeepppp, that just about sums it up. Avril, you know I always want to have your back, but not this time. I’m going to go take two aspirin and lie down for awhile.