Quinoarmageddon: Shailene Woodley & Alicia Silverstone Face Off In The Battle For The Biggest Hippie Starlet
We adore Shailene Woodley and are fascinated with her, um, unconventional ideas about not owning a cell phone and foraging for berries to eat. Girlfriend is very into growing her own organic foods and forgoing products with chemicals. “It’s an entire lifestyle,” Woodley has said. “It’s appealing to my soul.”
But we forgot about another Hollywood actress who has been in this hippie woo-woo game a lot longer: Alicia Silverstone! How could we have forgotten she thinks babies should go diaper-free? Or how she chews up her food and spits it in son’s mouth (“kiss-feeding”)? Alicia has long been promoting the benefits of her vegan/“kind” lifestyle, which she wrote a diet/beauty book about in 2009. Now, Alicia is the author of a new book called The Kind Mama: A Simple Guide To Supercharged Fertility, A Radiant Pregnancy, A Sweeter Birth, And A Healthier, More Beautiful Beginning.
The Daily Beast got their hands on a copy and plowed through Alicia’s tips on sex, “chichi” (that’s your vagina) care, and maintaining your “baby house.” It’s high time (no pun intended) these two face off in the battle for the ultimate hippie starlet … and we shall call it Quinoarmageddon:
TIPS ON VAGINA CARE:
Shailene says your vagina needs a little sun:
“Another thing I like to do is give my vagina a little vitamin D. I was reading an article written by an herbalist I studied about yeast infections and other genital issues. She said there’s nothing better than vitamin D. If you’re feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine.”
Alicia calls her vagina her “chichi” and thinks tampons are dangerous:
“[Y]our chichi is the most absorbent part of your body. Unfortunately, feminine-care manufacturers aren’t required to tell you what’s in their products, which means that no one’s talking about the potential pesticide residues from non-organic cotton and the ‘fragrances’ containing hormone-upsetting, fertility-knocking phthalates that are snuggling up to your hoo-ha.”
TIPS ON PREGNANCY (sort of):
Shailene thinks we should all be pregnant with the wonder and beauty of world, or something:
“Get in a bath and look at your body and be like, ‘Wow, thank you so much for hosting my mind and my heart,’ like as women you know, and also be pregnant with the world. I think that’s really beautiful beauty advice, like, close your eyes and think about all of the other women out there who aren’t in positions to be on a red carpet in Hollywood tonight enjoying this beautiful weather and all of these beautiful smiles and put those women in your womb and be pregnant with them and send them love.”
According to Alicia, your uterus is your “baby house” and eating “meat, dairy and toxic foods” is “tracking toxic sludge through your baby house,” which:
“… needs maintenance, too. You wouldn’t want to bring your baby into a junk-filled house with a leaky roof and backed-up plumbing, right?”
TIPS ON SEX:
Alicia advocates “yummy” sex:
“Eat well, get healthy, then ditch all the planning and trying and just let it flow. There’s no better way to make a baby than with yummy, soulful sex!”
Shailene Woodley falls in love with people, not body parts:
“I fall in love with human beings based on who they are, not based on what they do or what sex they are.”
TIPS ON HEALTH:
Shailene creates her own organic products:
“I make everything from my own toothpaste to my own body lotions and face oils. I could go on for hours. I make my own medicines; I don’t get those from doctors. I make my own cheese and forage wild foods and identify wild plants.”
Alicia, a vegan, advocates a plant-based diet, which she claims:
“… can demolish your need for pharmaceutical drugs, especially for the treatment of things like depression, type 2 diabetes, and hypertension.”
TIPS ON POOPING:
Alicia advocates for “elimination communication,” i.e. babies pooping wherever because parents don’t believe in diapers:
Babies are “much more content leaving their business in the grass than having to sleep and eat accompanied by their own pee and poo.”
Shailene’s eats clay, so her poop smells like metal:
I’ve discovered that clay is great for you because your body doesn’t absorb it, and it apparently provides a negative charge, so it bonds to negative isotopes. And, this is crazy: it also helps clean heavy metals out of your body. My friend starting eating it and the next day she called me and said, ‘Dude, my shit smells like metal.’ She was really worried, but we did some research together and everything said that when you first start eating clay, your bowel movements, pee, and even you, yourself, will smell like metal. You should obviously be careful about your source. Bentonite clay is good, but Mountain Rose Herbs has a great clay source. I get all of my herbs from Mountain Rose Herbs, too.
Matched up hippie-thing-for-hippie-thing, I think we have to admit this one is a tie. Isn’t it lovely we live in a world where everyone can do what they like, no matter how strange it seems? Frankly, I’m glad that both these ladies probably make awesome homemade kale chips.
Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.