The White House Finally Responds To The Petition To Deport Justin Bieber (Sort Of)
For years, the American people have bled, died and fought to survive under a terrible reign. Our government finally had the opportunity to do something about this menace from the north … and they messed it up.
Yes, the White House has responded to the official We The People petition to deport Justin Bieber and revoke his green card. Despite 270,000 signatures, their answer was “no comment.”
Here’s the full response:
Thanks for your petition and your participation in We the People.
Sorry to disappoint, but we won’t be commenting on this one.
The We the People terms of participation state that, “to avoid the appearance of improper influence, the White House may decline to address certain procurement, law enforcement, adjudicatory, or similar matters properly within the jurisdiction of federal departments or agencies, federal courts, or state and local government in its response to a petition.”
So we’ll leave it to others to comment on Mr. Bieber’s case, but we’re glad you care about immigration issues. Because our current system is broken. Too many employers game the system by hiring undocumented workers, and 11 million people are living in the shadows.
That status quo isn’t good for our economy or our country. We need common-sense immigration reform to make sure everyone plays by the same set of rules.
Not only is it the right thing to do morally, it’s the right thing for our country: Independent economists say immigration reform will grow our economy and shrink our deficits by almost $1 trillion in the next 20 years. For those of you counting at home, that’s 12.5 billion concert tickets — or 100 billion copies of Mr. Bieber’s debut album.
You better believe it.
We need a smart, effective immigration system — one that can keep up with the demands of a 21st century economy. Here’s the President’s plan:
Continue to strengthen our border security: The President’s proposal gives law enforcement the tools they need to make our communities safer from crime, enhances our infrastructure and technology, and strengthens our ability to remove criminals and apprehend and prosecute threats to our national security.
Streamline legal immigration: Legal immigration should be simple and efficient. The President’s proposal provides visas to foreign entrepreneurs looking to start businesses here, helps the most promising foreign graduate students in science and math stay in this country after graduation, and reunites families in a timely and humane manner.
Provide a pathway to citizenship: The President’s proposal provides undocumented immigrants with a legal way to earn citizenship so they can come out of the shadows. It holds them accountable by requiring they pass background checks, pay taxes and a penalty, go to the back of the line, and learn English. It requires everyone to play by the same rules.
Crack down on employers hiring undocumented workers: The President’s proposal is designed to stop businesses from exploiting the system by knowingly hiring undocumented workers. It holds these companies accountable, and gives employers who want to play by the rules a reliable way to verify that their employees are here legally.
Now, the only complete and long-lasting solution is for Congress to fix our broken immigration system by passing this kind of common-sense reform. Last year, the Senate took an important first step, passing an immigration reform bill with strong bipartisan support. Now is the time for the House of Representatives to act. House Republicans recently put out their standards for immigration reform, and the next step is simple: They just need to schedule a vote for reform. Never say never — House Republicans could do this tomorrow.
All around the world, people look at America as a place of opportunity. And with comprehensive, common-sense immigration reform, we can make sure it stays that way.
Thanks for your petition. While we weren’t able to address your direct concerns about Mr. Bieber, we hope you believe your We the People experience was a positive one.
I feel sorry for the earnest communications intern who had to write that one. At least they were able to get some “Believe” jokes in there.