“Ugh, if I see one more magazine with Kim Kardashian on the cover, I’m going to puke!” I’m sure more than a few people have found themselves muttering those very words, but when Mike Amess says it, he means it — literally. The most ridiculous story of the day award goes to The Daily Mail, which has outdone itself with their profile of Amess and his vomit-inducing fear of the entire Kardashian family. According to the Daily Mail, Amess breaks out into a “cold sweat” whenever he sees a Kardashian — although his fear seems especially focused on Kim — and “the sight of a semi-naked Kim even makes him vomit with disgust.” REALLY?
The 24-year-old from Exeter explains, “Just hearing the sound of the Kardashians’ nasal voices or catching a glimpse of them on screen makes me feel nauseous and shaky. My hands get clammy, my breathing gets heavier and I start sweating. Sometimes, I get teary and want to retch.”
This incredible piece of journalism is accompanied by a series of ridiculous photos showing Amess coming face-to-face with his fear, though any puking Amess may have done after, say, standing next to a cardboard cutout of Kim appears not to have been caught on film. Suspect if you ask me! But Amess insists his phobia is real and that it stems from seeing Kim’s sex tape when he was 17 and trying desperately to repress his gay sexuality.
“I was raised Catholic and growing up, I tried to repress my sexuality and deny that I was gay. Loads of the boys at school were going on about how good Kim Kardashian’s sex tape was. I thought I’d give it a watch in the hope it would turn me on. I downloaded the video and watched it secretly in my bedroom. But the sight of Kim writhing around with her huge bum and the sound of her horrible high-pitched wailing repulsed me. I really wanted to be aroused by her so I kept watching it but she made me feel more and more upset. By the end of the tape, I had burst into tears. The experience left me terrified and I never wanted to see Kim’s face again. I have come to terms with my homosexuality now but my dread towards her has never left.”
What a harrowing story. Considering the Kardashians are not going anywhere anytime soon, I hope Amess is able to develop some coping skills for this terrible affliction. Truly. [Daily Mail UK]