There comes a time in everyone’s life when you’re just going about your daily routine, folding and putting away your underwear or shoving old candy wrappers into your purse, and BAM— you realize you’re becoming your mother. This isn’t always necessarily a bad thing, but as we get older, and as hard as we may try to avoid the “transition,” it’s inevitable — you will one day morph into your mom. First comes realization, then denial, then questioning/concern, then acceptance. If you exhibit any of the following behaviors, I regret to inform you that you’re already on your way to ugly full-coverage bras and cringing at vulgar Beyoncé lyrics.
1. You started shoving crumpled tissues up the sleeve of your shirt, just in case someone may need it.
2. You find yourself scraping minimal amounts of leftovers into old butter containers because you “shouldn’t waste food.”
3. You’re actually KEEPING old butter containers.
4. You started putting loose change under the mat of your car in case of emergencies.
5. You start reminding others to “put on a sweater” before they step outside.
6. You remind your friends “Don’t forget you have to work tomorrow,” when you see them drinking with dinner on Sunday nights.
7. You offer half of what you’re eating to whoever is around.
8. Your tolerance for people doing things to be ironic is basically at ZERO.
9. You make overnight guests take their vitamins in the morning.
10. “When did kids become so fresh?” comes up in conversation more often than not.
11. You’re genuinely pissed off by people who get an invitation to a party and don’t RSVP “yes” or “no”— that’s just rude!
12. You talk about how cold it is all the time.
13. You get very concerned when you see young girls drinking and partying and you hope they get home OK.
14. You don’t recognize anyone on the cover of US Weekly anymore.
15. The “easy listening” station they play at the dentist’s office sounds a lot better than that crap on the other stations.
16. You start having to Google acronyms you see on the internet.
17. There’s so much stuff in your purse you could be a contestant on “Let’s Make a Deal.”
18. Or worse yet, you call it your “pocketbook.”
19. You’d rather soak in a bubble bath with a good book than watch any of that reality TV garbage.
20. You start scolding other peoples’ children when they’re being rowdy in public.
21. You read Good Housekeeping … and enjoy it.
22. At some point, the words “hussy” and “floozy” became a part of your vocabulary.
23. You watch “Dancing With The Stars.”
24. You start referring to every night out with friends as “Girls Night.”
25. You check that everyone has gone to the bathroom before you leave the house.
26. You always prepare way too much food for every meal, then hand the leftovers out in individual bags like they’re birthday party goodie bags.
27. You’ve become meticulous about making the bed.
28. You explain to others the “right way” to fold a bath towel, and more importantly, fitted sheets.
29. You’ve started using night cream.
30. You notify others that they’ve left their dish/glass/mug on the table or in the sink, rather than in the dishwasher.
31. You prefer to purchase and return items rather than try them on in the store.
32. You start to confuse your siblings’ names and combine them in random combinations.
33. You can’t work, sleep or relax until every room is tidy.