Dater X: Being The Happiest Single Woman I Can Be

A few years ago, feeling stuck in a dead-end job, depressed, and lost in love, a friend of mine suggested I see her psychic, Donna, to help guide me through my tough time. I believed, and still do believe, in psychic abilities, but was hesitant and wanted to know that the psychic wasn’t just another fraud trying to make some quick cash.

“I’m telling you Donna’s the real deal,” my girlfriend reassured me. “She knew exactly when I was going to get engaged before I even had a boyfriend and told me small details about my past that she couldn’t have made up.”

I called Donna. She told me that my sister would have a failed engagement (which she did), and that within two months I would start a new, esteemed job at a company where they would be “ripping up carpeting” (I did, and they were), and that I was struggling with trust issues from a “uniformed male who broke my heart” (hello, Patrick Bateman). She reassured me that everything was panning out exactly as it was supposed to, and that she saw me ending up in a serious relationship, but that I needed to focus on me in the meantime. After speaking with her, I felt a renewed sense of hope. Her reassuring words helped me pull myself out of my slump.

After reading The Frisky post last week about Ami’s psychic love predictions, I felt like another chat with Donna might be just what the doctor ordered. So, I made another phone appointment.

Donna dove right in, telling me about my current job and some company changes that will take place over the next year, before moving onto my relationship predictions. I gave her no information regarding my current status, just to see if she would be as accurate as she was last time.

“You’ve been unlucky in love, but that’s going to turn around,” she said. “I see that the last guy you were with pulled a fast one on you.” She nailed it. I was assured once again that Donna was the real deal.

“After lots of jerks, you’re due for a nice guy, and you’re going to meet one soon,” she continued. “In fact, you’re going to meet a few within the year. You’ll end up with the man who makes you laugh the most. He’s the kind of guy who wants to be with you and grow with you and have children with you. You’ll have two.”

YES!  I thought. That’s exactly what I want. And then I remembered that Donna told me I would have two kids several years ago when we first spoke; a detail she couldn’t possibly have remembered. Could she?

“There will be a tall, cute guy this summer. He’ll have light hair and a great smile, but won’t necessarily be your type. You should look beyond that,” she advised.

“Where will I meet him?” I asked, getting excited about the tall, blonde stranger.

“Outside somewhere, but I can’t place it exactly. He’ll smile, you’ll smile back and you’ll eventually start talking to each other. But I see some other options, too,” she said.

She went on to tell me about a number of guys I would meet. First, a guy named Jack, who is a transplant from another place and new to the area.

“He does something in marketing and has to travel a lot for his job, but he’s getting tired of all the flying,” she said.

And then she talked about Craig, a business writer of sorts who works for an international company and has a very stable career. She even mentioned yet another guy (but not by name) who does something in law, but isn’t a lawyer.

“He’s dressed in a nice suit and works a lot, but is also a good match for you,” she predicted.

“So I’m going to meet and date all of these guys?” I asked her, feeling overwhelmed at the possibility of having to entertain another four guys in the next year.

“No, no, no,” she assured me. “These are all people who are possibilities. The guy you end up with— and you will end up with one of them— depends on the choices and paths you choose up until then.”

That bit of wisdom from Donna made me realize that I’ve been pouring all of my energy into someone who doesn’t even exist yet and neglecting myself in the process. I’ve been so consumed with finding the right guy, right now, that I haven’t been invested enough in my path and my choices. And what I need to do is re-focus my energy on me.

If there’s one thing that I really took away from my conversation with Donna, it’s not that I should be on the lookout for someone with blonde hair or a sharp suit; it’s that my present will mold my future. If I want to be happy in the future, I have to focus on being happy right now. While I’ve technically been single, with a few short relationships here and there, for over three years, I’ve never just been single— I’ve always been single and looking. Instead of trying to find the right man for me, maybe it’s better to enjoy my life and let him find me.

I can’t rely on someone else to make me happy, but one day maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find someone to be happy with. For now, I need to work on being the happiest single woman I can be. I will conquer more of my personal goals to better myself. I will laugh more, be kind to strangers, offer kind words, drink more wine, visit friends and family, eat well, get organized, take more bubble baths and do more yoga. And maybe in the process of doing all of these things that make me smile, someone will notice me and smile back.

[Photo from Shutterstock]

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