8 Times When It’s Really Not Necessary To Send A Dick Pic

Job hunters, here’s one way to guarantee you will not find employment: attach a dick pic with your resume. We know this because, well, common sense, and a man in Dallas went ahead and tested this method out. His, um, credentials did not land him a job offer, but did earn him a class C misdemeanor for “obscene display or distribution” of his penis

When the potential employer at Texas Workforce Solutions received the man’s application which, as we mentioned, included a dick pic, she skipped HR and forwarded it directly along to the police, who tracked the man down via his personal email address. Charming and also, smart!

Guys, because there seems to be some confusion about which occasions are dick pic-appropriate and which aren’t, we thought we’d do a little review. Dick pics are, for the most part, truly unnecessary. Pictures of your member are best served ONLY UPON REQUEST. And even then, it’s important to be judicious. As a rule of thumb, here are some situations when it’s really not a good idea to get your penis involved:

1. When emailing a blogger you’ve never met to ask for unsolicited advice. We’ll tell you how that story ends. She won’t write back, but she will post an open letter to you on the internet. So not worth it.

2. Along with your tax return. Bigger penis does not equal a bigger federal return. We promise.

3. In a wedding card. Even if you slept with the bride once upon a time. Actually, especially if you slept with the bride. 

4. When filling out a college application. No, taking pictures of your dick does not count as an “extracurricular activity.”

5. On the written portion of your driver’s test. You won’t be going for a ride with anyone.

6. With your immigration application. You’re trying to gain entry, but not that kind of entry.

7. With your home loan application. This definitely will not earn you  any kind of approval.

8. When you exchange phone numbers with a lady. The handy rule goes: sex first, dick pics after…but again, only upon request.

[Photo from Shutterstock]