5 Reasons You Need A Pair Of Luxury Poop Emoji Loafers, Like, Now

Big news for fashionistas, emoji addicts, and, umm, poop enthusiasts? Designers Edie Parker and Del Toro have collaborated on a special collection of shoes and clutches emblazoned with popular emojis, including one pair of loafers that are aptly named “#theshit.” Yep, these Italian-made velvet loafers feature a smiling pile of poop on each foot, and retail for $340. Why would you ever spend that much money on a pair of shoes with poop on them? SO many reasons! For example:

1. They’re versatile. Anyone who uses emojis knows that the “pile of poo” emoji is suprisingly versatile. It can be used to illustrate expressions that are sad, happy, confusing, or, ahem, crappy. We can only assume that the versatility of the emoji also applies to these shoes themselves. Wear them with happy outfits, sad outfits, confusing outfits, or crappy outfits! They will always make sense!

2. You can wear them while you poop. Have a drafty bathroom? Been looking for a special pair of shoes to keep your feet toasty while you sit on the toilet? How about a pair of luxurious velvet loafers with two piles of poop smiling up at you encouragingly while you do your business? Perfect!

3. They make stepping in dog poop not such a big deal. I mean, you already have poop on your shoes, in a way. What’s a little more?

4. They’re a great conversation starter. And not just any conversation, but bowel movement-related conversations, which can be very hard to start in day-to-day life. Need to find an in to tell your new boyfriend about your digestive issues? Just break out these slippers and watch the convo start itself!

5. They’re so happy. Look at those little guys. Could you really have a bad day when every time you look down, you see those two joyful swirls of excrement beaming up at you? No way! Or at least not until you saw your credit card statement and realized you spent $340 on a pair of designer poop loafers. That would actually be a really upsetting day.