This Thursday, Christopher Meloni returns to television as the titular character in the half-hour Fox comedy “Surviving Jack.” And we couldn’t be happier. Why? Residual checks. But also, Thursday marks the culmination of a marathon that may not have gone past the starting line without Chris Meloni leading the pack.
He was everyone’s first choice for the role, hands down: an actor with a rare combination of likeability—the holy grail of casting—and shit-inducing scariness. The billboards read, in bold red block letters: “Putting the ‘F’ back in Fatherhood.” One need only recall a couple of shows in Chris’s past body of work to know he could put the “F” in just about anything. The guy thrived for several years of maximum-security lockup as sociopathic inmate Chris Keller on HBO’s prison drama “OZ,” and spent 12 seasons on NBC’s “Law & Order: SVU”(12 seasons!) cleaning scum off the streets of New York as Detective Elliot Stabler.
With a resume like that, an actor will surely garner a group of fans. But Meloni comes with a special army of devotees—self-proclaimed “Melonians”—whose appreciation for the star goes far beyond his acting chops.
We’re of course talking about his man parts.
Hardcore Melonians can’t get enough of them. And they’ve invaded social media to broadcast their uncontrollable sexual fervor that “The Best Butt in Primetime” brings out in them.
What follows are the 12 most sexually explicit tweets about Chris Meloni, as curated by the “Surviving Jack” writing staff (NOTE: These are real, y’all):
1. The “Classic Ass Worship” Tweet
2. The Thinly Veiled Cry for Help
3. The “Maybe You Should Think About Buying a Chris Meloni Mask” Tweet
4. The “Hype Man Who Misunderstands Boundaries” Tweet
5. The “Might As Well Finish The Sentence” Tweet
6. The “I’m Political But This Isn’t That Kind of Party” Tweet
7. The Zinger
8. The Conspiracy Theorist
9. The Tourette’s
10. The “Only Thing Oz Fans Still Talk About” Tweet
11. The “Bright Future in Porn Titling” Tweet
12. The Very NSFW “Nuff Said” Tweet