UPDATE, Friday 4p.m.: There’s an update to this post here!
The world would feel like a more just place if we could (literally or figuratively) beat up every bully in the schoolyard. We can’t do that. But we can take to Craiglist’s Missed Connections to call out sociopathic, sadistic fat shamers who tell random strangers to “lose some weight” on the Boston subway.
Take, for instance, this incredible Missed Connection addressed to “the shitstain who made a woman cry on the T — 30 (Stony Book T Station)”:
You got up right before the Stony Brook stop and said something in a low voice to the woman next to you. You exited the train and she burst into tears. I asked her what you said—and in between sobs she goes, “he said ‘Have some respect for yourself and lose some weight’”.
Oh shit, you said that to a complete fucking stranger, an innocent person trying to read a book on her ride home!!! Yeah dog, you sure did, and then you turned heel and walked off like the miserable coward you are.
You publicly humiliated another human and made her cry. How truly fucking horrifying of you. She was totally stunned, and devastated. . .is that what you wanted to see happen? Are you that much of a nightmare that you are PLEASED by making people cry? Total strangers even? I don’t think I can fully express to you what an absolute skidmark you are, but here goes:
You: blond, slicked hair, hipsterish. You manage to be both tasteless and sanctimonious, and something tells me you brag about loving Bukowski even though you only made it 80 pages deep into Women. You definitely think you’re smarter than everyone, and you love reflective surfaces. You work in design/tech/oh wait, who cares, you don’t fucking matter. You treat women like garbage, but don’t worry—we hate you. You have a stank on you, and a lot of us can smell it…truly a dookiestain made flesh. You don’t have an original thought under that stupid haircut. You are a straight up fucking bully, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Bullies are the absolute worst.
The thing is, part of you knows this, and you’re upset that no one treats you like the special snowflake you believe yourself to be. So you say horrible things to strangers in public to make yourself feel better. Stop being such a fucking bully and shitting on other humans just because your wounded-ego feels like taking a dump. No really, just fucking stop.
Any of my fellow feminist vigilantes who might be reading this: keep an eye out for a white dude, around age 30, who looks like a wacker version of Macklemore, if that’s possible. Make sure you remind him of his insignificance.
And to the woman to whom this human diarrhea pile directed his steaming ego turd: keep your head up girl, it’s not even about you. I hope it didn’t ruin your day.
I have so little faith in humanity that I completely believe this really happened. And I also completely believe that somewhere in his fucked up psyche, this shitstain justified his behavior as helpful towards his victim because she dared to be too fat in his presence. I hope this poster is right and dudebro radiates a self-loathing wounded ego that repels people away from him. The. Worst.
Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.
[Image of woman giving the finger to Shutterstock]