The Best & Worst Moments From Last Night’s Finale Of “The Bachelor”

Amelia McDonell-Parry / March 11, 2014

Normally, the two-hour finale of “The Bachelor” and the subsequent hour of “After the Final Rose” are bloated with filler scenes and not-at-all exciting revelations. Even though this season of “The Bachelor” has been unlike any other, in that, you know, Juan Pablo Galavis is not fit to marry anyone and has been all-around terrible, I thought we got the full extent of his doucheitude in every other episode, and this one would be fairly boring and tame. After all, it’s been obvious for weeks that — SPOILER ALERT! — he was going to choose Nikki in the end and Clare was going to be “left brokenhearted.” Well consider me very, very surprised that I found all three hours of last night’s episode to be a complete car wreck of delights. Let’s review the episode’s best and worst moments and then celebrate that Juaaaaaan-uary is finally fucking over.

BEST: ABC Clearly Hates Juan Pablo

Last night’s episode did not even try to edit Juan Pablo is a positive light. The shitty behavior we’ve seen in increasing bits and pieces from Juan Pablo all season basically ran rampant in his final scenes with Nikki and Clare, and ABC did nothing to edit them out. It’s like ABC finally accepted that their choice was a disaster and basically spent the final episode and “After the Final Rose” really, really showing Juan Pablo for exactly who he is.

BEST: Juan Pablo’s Family Warned Both Women That He Sucks

Juan Pablo kept crowing about their relationship being “private” now even as he and Nikki sat next to each other on a live TV show that was supposed to be about where the relationship is now. So where is it? Well, Nikki loves Juan Pablo and Juan Pablo “is not going to discuss that on TV.” As if he hasn’t been on a TV show the whole time. As if he wasn’t on a TV show RIGHT THEN. Even Chris Harrison had no more fucks left to give and was clearly done playing nice . As for Nikki? Seems like her approach to this relationship is all about repeating Juan Pablo’s two favorite words to herself, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Girl, it’s not okay.