Dear Officer Boyer,
May I call you Jon, I mean, unless we’re role-playing or something? Awesome. Jon, where have you been all my life? Or, rather, where have I been that I’m just learning about you now? I’m just one of many women who have been wooed by your reputation for rescuing and adopting the four-legged creatures that you encounter in the line of duty. Last May, a picture of you cuddling a kitten you had rescued and decided to adopt was posted on the Facebook page for a local animal shelter in Baltimore, where you live and serve. Keen-eyed women immediately noticed your rugged good looks and inquired about your relationship status — single after a recent breakup, woohoo! — but you clearly had more important things than dating on your mind. Like starring in an anti-animal abuse campaign called “Show Your Soft Side,” which got you even more attention from women. And being declared one of 2013′s Hottest Cat Guys! Hey, brawny dudes with hearts of gold are hard to come by these days! All the attention led you to start your own fan page, I Love Jon Boyer, but, true to your kindhearted nature, this isn’t a vanity project. I love the fact that you post listings for animals that need to be adopted on your page. Using your good looks to do good deeds just makes you even hotter, Jon.
I know you have your hands full with your three cuddly cats, but as a pet owner myself (I adopted my dog Lucca from a shelter), I’m well aware that our four-legged besties can’t give us alllllll the lovin’ we need and deserve, if you know what I mean. I promise I won’t scratch. Well, too hard anyway.