In today’s Dear Prudence letter, a woman going by the name of “Feeling Dirty” wrote in “grossed out” and “confused” that her boyfriend of two years seems to be turned on every time she poops — especially if it’s of the diarrhea variety. The woman, who mentions that she grew up in a house where bathroom behavior was never discussed, admits that she’s one of those secret poopers, even in her own home, which she shares with her boyfriend, “Ron.” She writes:
“Now that ‘Ron’ and I are living together, I have to divulge certain information on a need to know basis. More specifically, if I have diarrhea. These times I have had to explain, ‘You may not want to go in there for a while.’ The weird thing is, 15 minutes or so after telling him such, Ron initiates sex. I find it gross and confusing. He knows how uncomfortable I feel as it is. This has happened four times so far. He denies a pattern or that it’s unusual. Am I the one being weird about this?”
I was looking at the screen screaming, YES! It’s you being weird about this and it has to do with how closed-lipped your family was about poop. Ron is attracted to you whether you pee, poop or vomit. Fifteen minutes after you had the worst diarrhea of your life, he’s already forgotten about it. All he’s thinking about is how much he wants to have sex with you because you are sexy to him regardless of your bodily functions. And if he’s anything like other men, he equates having sex with you with making you feel good. Diarrhea = feeling crappy. Fucking = feeling much better. It’s simple, right?
But alas, Prudence went in a direction I wasn’t expecting. While she acknowledges that the woman getting past her poop hangups would be healthy for all parties involved, she insinuates that Ron might have a fecal fetish (WHAT!? He’s not attracted to her poop, he’s attracted to her!) and she should ask him about. Even thought she already did ask him about it and he’s denied that he finds her poop an aphrodisiac. Prudence then goes on to suggest that the woman see a doctor about her diarrhea or tell Ron that she isn’t in the mood after she’s had a “violent evacuation.”
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