An Ode To The Woman Who Attempted To Shoplift 330 Pizza Rolls From Walmart

Earlier this week, a woman was arrested after attempting to shoplift 330 Totino’s Pizza Rolls from an Arkansas Walmart. My feelings about this story can only be expressed one way — in rhyming couplets:

For anyone who’s ever tried a pizza roll or five,
you know the ooey, gooey taste can make you feel alive.
And for anyone who gets a rush from stealing little things,
the urge to pilfer pizza rolls would surely prove tempting.

And so it goes, on Tuesday, a woman walked into Walmart
and threw three bags of pizza rolls into her shopping cart.
What happens next sounds crazy, but I swear it’s not a lie–
she opened up her purse, which had a plastic bag inside.

Then she tore open the pizza bags and poured them one by one;
there were 330 rolls inside her purse when she was done!
Sadly, a Walmart worker had been watching the whole thing,
and when she tried to saunter out, the cops were there waiting.

When they asked her why she did it, she gave them all the facts:
she was hosting a party, and her friends requested snacks.
You see, she and her friends knew something the police did not.
Pizza rolls are always good, but they’re even better when served “hot.”