Alas, our days of ignorant bliss about the contents of Hot Pockets are over. Giant Foods has issued a massive recall of Philly Steak & Cheese Hot Pockets, because they may have been filled with “diseased and unsound” meat from a processing plant that evaded FDA inspections. As gross as the exact details are, is anyone really shocked at the revelation that a product called a “hot pocket” is made with sub-par meat? I think comedian Jim Gaffigan said it best: “What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a guy in a marketing meeting somewhere, like, ‘Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.’”
Seriously though, if you have Philly Steak & Cheese Hot Pockets in your freezer, DO NOT EAT THEM. Take them back to the store, get your money refunded, and then watch Jim’s entire Hot Pockets routine, which I’ve posted below for posterity’s sake.