Do Not Want: Fifty Shades Of Grey Teddy Bear

This must stop. “Fifty Shades Of Grey,” be it the book or the movie, must stop ruining the world. I know that it’s natural to want to sell merchandise related to a phenomenon because MONEY. A Fifty Shades sex toy kit? I can make a snarky remark about the Twitchy Palm Paddle. I can wonder if it might bring someone more pleasure/pain than a regular paddle. And then I can call it a day. But a Christian Grey teddy bear? I must draw the line at a kinky teddy bear.

The Vermont Teddy Bear company was selling “50 Shades Of Bear,” an “irresistible Bear made with smoky fur and smoldering blue eyes” who “wears a handsome grey suit with silver tie, and even comes complete with a mask and a pair of handcuffs.” Here’s the unsettling news: the plush toy, which went for the retail price of $89.99, is currently out of stock. That means that there are a bunch of people humping a teddy bear and pretending it’s Jamie Dornan. Either that, or kids are putting blindfolds on it and handcuffing it to their cribs, blissfully unaware of the implications. Either way, NO. [Metro UK]