Funny Girl Sex Guide: How Not To Woo Me On Valentine’s Day

Funny Girl Sex Guide: How Not To Woo Me On Valentine's Day
Get Your Penis Float Out Of My Bathtub

I consider myself a romantic and love it when the person I’m crushing on, dating, or seriously involved with puts forth an effort to woo me. Seriously, nothing will make my panties drop faster than a guy giving me a bouquet of gorgeous peonies, my favorite flower. But that’s about as traditionally romantic as my wooing tastes go. It’s not that I’m high maintenance; it’s just that most traditional “romantic” gestures strike me as fake and over-the-top, or just plain irritate and embarrass me. Like, in all my years hate-watching “The Bachelor,” I don’t think I’ve ever thought, Oh man, I wish someone would take me on a fairytale date like this! And, in speaking to my friends, it turns out that I’m not alone. So fellas, if you’re thinking about how to woo your special lady this Valentine’s Day (or any day, really, as Valentine’s Day as a concept is about as fake romantic as they come), I suggest nixing these seven supposedly swoon-worthy gestures in favor of something more personal and creative.

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