My Cake-Alike, Myself

“Face-to-cake with myself, it’s one of the most surreal feelings I’ve ever experienced,” writes Jill Foster of the Daily Mail. “Yes, it’s narcissistic, but I can hardly take my eyes off ‘me’. Is this how the Queen feels every time a new portrait is unveiled?” 

I didn’t really need to read any further than that. Foster had me at the phrase “face-to-cake with myself.” But naturally, I read on because we’re talking about cake here. Not just cake, cake-alikes, life-sized cake likenesses of human beings.

This particular cake-alike was made by 27-year-old Lara Clarke, a self-taught baker who learned her trade on YouTube. (There’s hope for me yet!) 

“The first person I moulded was my mother-in-law, Sharon, for her 50th birthday. The second was Jack ­Sparrow, the Johnny Depp character in Pirates Of The Caribbean. Alfie was the third — and you’re the fourth.I absolutely love doing it. It’s taken over my life,” said Clarke.

The article then proceeded to explain the painstaking process by which cake-alikes are made. Without going into any detail whatsoever, think three days, 70 eggs, 12 stacked cakes, an electric carving knife, a PVC pipe skeleton and a ridiculous amount fondant face molding. (Maybe there isn’t hope for me.)

Really, the important question is: how does it taste to eat yourself in cake form? Luckily Foster gave a detailed description of the tasting of her cake-alike:

“When it’s time to cut into ‘me’, I’m a little apprehensive. I can’t cut into my ‘front’ — it feels too much like a  post mortem — so I take a slice out of my back instead…As for the taste? I take a huge chunk home to my family who all agree that it’s delicious. Firm but moist and very more-ish. I’ve never been as sweet to them.”

God, this would have been so perfect for my Bat Mitzvah. [Daily Mail UK]