Even the most knowledgeable and feminist-leaning men can find themselves miffed when confronted with the facts of the female menses. It’s not just that they’re totally unaware of what’s happening down there every 28 days, it’s that they think they know certain things, but they’re so off base it’s laughable. Ask the most enlightened men you know to describe how cramps feel or how a tampon works, and you’ll get a variety of wildly creative but totally inaccurate answers. We thought it was time to compile a list of all the crazy things guys believe about our periods that, we can assure them, are completely and totally wrong…
1. That anytime we’re in a bad mood, it’s because of our period. Actually sometimes, we’re just in a bad mood.
2. That we never know when it’s coming, and could start gushing blood at any moment. Period tracking: there’s an app for that.
3. That we can stain sheets at random. The occasional period stain happens, but usually it’s our own fault for being too lazy to take the necessary precautions.
4. That a tampon is like a cotton dildo. Contrary to men’s popular belief, there is nothing that feels good about inserting a cotton slingshot into your bloody vagina.
5. That one pad lasts for an entire period. Just like a diaper, it needs to be changed regularly. Very regularly.
6. That we pee blood. More like blood comes out when we pee.
7. That we’re constantly packing a large picnic basket full of feminine products. Yes, every time our purses tip over, two tampons fall out, but that’s all we’re packing.
8. That blood shoots out of our vaginas, “The Shining”-style. Redrum. Actually, no.
9. That because we’re bleeding, we’re hurt. It hurts in a special, different kind of way, but no triage is necessary.
10. That PMS makes us “Fatal Attraction” crazy. In reality, we’re just moody and off our game. Boiling a bunny doesn’t even cross our minds. At least, not usually.
11. That we’re being overly dramatic about our cramps. We’re being about as dramatic as guys are being when they get hit in the ballsack.
12. That every month, we give birth to a giant blood ball. This isn’t “Boomerang” and we are not Grace Jones: