5 Imagined Ways “American Horror Story: Coven” Could—And Should—End
It’s finally time for the world to learn the fate of the witches we’ve come to love and loathe from “American Horror Story: Coven.” I’ve been faithfully watching all season, and I’m not ready for the sick and twistedness to end, but tonight’s season finale is sure to shock, as the girls of the Coven will test their powers to determine who will become the new Supreme.
But before we find out who will become Queen Witch Bitch, we’ve come up with a few scenarios that could happen, and a few that probably won’t … but would kick ass anyway.
1. Fiona Returns: Just as Cordelia envisioned, Fiona comes back from the dead and takes out each girl one-by-one so she can reign Supreme forever. At the end of the episode, she starts smearing their blood on her face and morphs into Delphine Lalaurie. Mind BLOWN.
2. Stalemate: All of the witches perform the ‘Seven Wonders,’ but they end up deadlocked, with no one girl outperforming the others. Just as they’re all coming to the realization that they might all have equal powers, Beyoncé walks in, dressed in all black, yells “Bow down, witches!” and all of their bodies collapse on the floor in a circle around her. The End.
3. Myrtle Reigns: All the girls perform the ‘Seven Wonders,’ then, when one witch is left standing, Myrtle pops out from behind her theremin holding her trusty melon baller, plus a pizza slicer, ice cream scoop and cheese grater, and tears that bitch apart. In the last scene, you see Myrtle serving a plate of hors d’oeuvres to new witches entering the house.
4. Doll Invasion: Spalding’s creepy attic full of dolls come to life, each one holding the spirits of witches past. The girls are so freaked out by the eyeball-less, porcelain doll invasion that they all run out of the house crying, and we see this flash across the screen: “Next season … ‘American Horror Story: Dollhouse.'”
5. Nan’s Revenge: Papa Legba gives Nan his permission to come back to “the other side,” so she can seek revenge on the house. All of the witches convene to begin testing their powers, when Nan shows up yelling, “I am the Supreme!” She then uses her powers to force them each to enter their own permanent hell for the rest of eternity. Misty must murder Stevie Nicks and live with the guilt forever; Zoe is forced to have nonstop orgies, killing everyone she screws; Queenie has to give plantation tours to racist tourists, and so on.
To find out if all of our dream endings come true (we’re really rooting for the Beyoncé one), tune in to FX tonight at 10 p.m. ET for the “American Horror Story: Coven” finale. Fingers crossed!