Lorde’s Birth Certificate Has Hit The Internet, And Yes, She’s Actually 17

A copy of Lorde’s birth certificate has been presented to the world this week, courtesy of The Hairpin. The form proves that Lorde really is 17, which will no doubt anger the cult of “Lorde birth truthers” that believe she’s lying about her age and is actually much older.

I suppose there’s a possibility that the New Zealand birth certificate could be falsified by some bizarre stretch of the imagination, but who really cares? Apparently, the truthers do, and they insist that Lorde is 10 years older and pretending to be a child prodigy to rake in more attention.

The whole fiasco has shades of the Beyonce birth truther controversy, which has been around for years. The theory, which is equally as uncreative as the one surrounding Lorde, is that Beyonce is actually seven years older than she claims to be. When an alleged “birth record” from Texas showed up on the Internet a few years ago, it indicated that Beyonce was born in 1974. The singer had always said she was born in 1981. Who really knows? Who really cares? There’s also the theory that Beyonce is actually Solange’s mother rather than her sister, which is such an LOL I can barely read it without rolling my eyes.

I was hoping for specifics about where these “age truthers” come from — is it the same place as President Obama’s “truthers”? — but the best answer I can find for who starts these rumorfests are lurking Internet haters. These are the kind of people who come home after a long day of pretending to be normal folks at work and immediately open their laptops wondering who they can one-up in the Gawker comments section or whose reputation they can trash in a hateful, rumor-mongering blog post.

What’s even more fascinating are those people who make it their personal mission to find any and all evidence supporting the rumors. I mean, that stuff takes effort, and a lot of time that most of us would rather spend doing something productive (or, let’s be honest, parked in front of the TV). That birth record of Beyonce’s? It came from some anonymous “tipster” who said they worked at the Texas Department of Health. Who is bothered enough by Beyonce to allegedly swipe a document from their place of work and bother to fax it to a media outlet?

Sure, Beyonce does look like she could pass for older. So does Lorde. But if I found out conclusively that either woman was lying about her age, I can honestly say I would not care. It’s their prerogative to lie about something like that, just like if they changed their name. (Miley Cyrus’ birth name was Destiny! She later had it legally changed to Miley.) Is it really the end of the world if a celebrity fibs her age, especially in a culture that puts such an unfair premium on a woman’s youth?

A major aspect of Lorde’s appeal is just how talented she is for such a young age. I suppose, when it comes down it, the rumor mill around Lorde’s age is fueled by jealousy. “Lorde age truthers” find it unfathomable that someone would find success at such a young age while the rest of us are just trying to pinch our pennies enough to make it until tomorrow. Finding a hole in her launch to fame makes them squeal with glee.

I guess there’s no stopping haters, but no matter how spiteful they are, they can’t take away Lorde’s Grammys.

[The Hairpin]
[Sandra Rose]

[Image via Getty]