14 Ways To Seduce A Farmer
The type of men women lust after seems to change every decade or so. In the ’90s, we were drooling for the grungy, rocker dude a la Kurt Cobain. In the 2000’s, we moved on to the clean cut, metrosexual man and the ironic hipster. When it comes to separating the wheat from the chaff, the most desirable dude of the moment is undoubtedly the farmer, with his overalls, knee-high wellies, bulging biceps, flowing beard, and bounty of organic produce. Want proof? Just check out Hugh Morrison, winner of Britain’s Sexiest Farmer competition. Spoiler alert: he’s driving a motorcycle with a baby ewe on his lap. Hey, who doesn’t love a guy who feels just as comfortable cuddling a baby sheep as he does operating heavy machinery?
As our taste men changes, so must our flirting techniques. Because what works to woo a grunge rocker is not the same thing that would win the attention of a man of the soil. Below, some surefire strategies for seducing a farmer…
1. Show up at his house wearing overalls with nothing underneath.
2. Seductively stroke a summer squash.
3. Tell him you want a private tour of his barn.
4. Ask if he can demonstrate his preferred milking technique.
5. Request a ride on his tractor — the rougher, the better.
6. Tell him that his winter crops blow your gourd.
7. Make a casual reference to your shearling lingerie.
8. Ask him how his harvest is holding up during the high-static season.
9. Offer your condolences for the dry spell that we’re all currently experiencing.
10. Deliver him a CSA basket full of sex toys.
11. Ask him about the best place to buy knee-high wellies that you can wear with your Daisy Dukes in the summer.
12. Do a boudoir photography shoot in a compost pile.
13. Tell him how much you love giant cucumbers.
14. Bend over to check out his harvest while giving him a little peek of your greenhouse.