11 Strange But Totally Expected Things You’ll Hear When You Visit A Vortex

This weekend, I visited the vortexes (actual plural is vortices, but I didn’t want to confuse you) in Sedona, Arizona. More on the actual trip to come, but for now, let’s focus on these spiritual energy centers. What exactly is a vortex? Good question. And confusing to try to answer. According to our grey-haired, crystal toting, feather-clad tour guide, a vortex is like a human accupressure point, but on the earth. Following the metaphor, vortices fall upon certain connective points the planet’s energetic meridians, (like body meridians in Eastern medicine) known as “ley lines.”

You might be wondering what happens there besides lots of hippies playing pan pipes on the solstice? Well, the seven Sedona vortex sites are believed to be locations where the intense energy flow helps facilitate prayer, healing and mediation, but in an individual way for each person. My take is that it’s like giving your soul a shower. But to you, it might just be a beautiful place in nature to gape at. It’s really something to be experienced rather than explained. I guess you’ll just have to go there and see what happens, but until you make the pilgrimage, here are some choice quotes from my trip to introduce you to the wonderfully wacky New Age vortex lingo. And if your third eye starts burning while reading this, don’t be alarmed. There’s a crystal for that.

Said by a grey-haired, crystal toting, feather-clad vortex tour guide:

“Spirit animals take us places where the mind can’t go.”

“Let’s sit and mediate here by the sumac tree.”

“Go ahead, it’s OK to ask the plants for guidance.”

“Throw this blue corn meal to give wings to your prayers.”

Overheard by two Australian vortex hikers:

“Pay attention to the energetic shift near the twisted juniper.”

“You’re walking on the ley line, so don’t be surprised if your guardian angel tries to communicate with you.”

Said by 80-year-old woman at a gift shop: 

“Would you like to see one of the fetishes in the case?” (Come to find out a fetish is a Native American term for an animal totem.)

Said by New Age mega-store employee wearing a Santa hat and red clown nose: 

“Let me give you a black tourmaline crystal for the burning in your third eye.”

Said by Ayurvedic massage therapist: 

“Look at those little Vata hands!”

Said by hotel concierge:

“I came here because my brother was on an ‘extended vacation.’ The people are a little weird, but it’s better than being shot.”

Overheard at vegan, raw food restaurant by woman reading Tarot cards:

“My shaman told me I needed to meditate on veganism.”