A Grownup Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

It’s been a long time since I have written you. I thought I would give it a go again because my list is long, my bank account is low, and I’ve been a very good girl this year. Okay, there were maybe about two months where I was stressed and emotionally burnt out over the wedding so I was kind of being a bitch, but that’s not typical. Otherwise, I should totally be near the top of your Nice List. So, Santa, this Christmas, can you puh-leeze deliver…

  • … respect for everyone. Period.
  • … more patience (for me, who usually knows what she wants) and less waffling (for anyone who doesn’t know what they want).
  • … all the time to read all the books I want to read. This may require winning the lottery or getting a huge, unexpected inheritance.
  • … something that will fix Justin Bieber. Please.
  • … infusions of kindness for our legislators and religious and civic leaders so they remember government should help make life better for all people, not protect power for those at the top.
  • … a clue to anyone who thinks that punishing a woman with an unwanted child is a good idea.
  • … self-awareness for anyone who holds long phone calls in otherwise quiet public spaces. You realize we can all hear you and think you’re annoying, right? Double-super-extra self-awareness for anyone who owns one of those mobile phones that operates like a walkie-talkie.
  • … a Tivo that doesn’t cut the final two minutes off every show so I am never totally sure how anything ends.
  • … healthcare, including birth control and mental healthcare, for anyone who needs it.
  • … warm clothes and hot meals for anyone struggling this winter.
  • … a lifetime of love, friendship, tenderness, open communication and hot sex with my husband. He would also like some fancy Scotch.
  • … a pile of puppies for my best friend.
  • … these gorgeous Gorjana-Griffin earrings. And also these panda socks from TopShop. I told you I was good this year!

Thanks, Santa! There will be sugar cookies and a tumbler of Scotch on New Year’s Eve, okay?

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[Image of Santa Claus via Shutterstock]