How To Tell Your Wife You’ve Lost Your Wedding Band
Shit happens. I’ve lost track of the number of married men I know who have lost their wedding bands. Many men, including my husband, have lost their bands within the first year of marriage. In fact, if you are a married and still have your original wedding band, I applaud you.
The reality is, most men are not used to wearing sentimental jewelry. Thus, generally speaking, they don’t exercise caution when wearing their wedding rings. They don’t consider removing their rings before swimming in the ocean. They are blissfully unaware that their fingers shrink in cold weather, making the ring looser. They have yet to develop a protective reflex, balling their fist to prevent the ring from slipping off the finger. But when the chances of a man losing his wedding band is high, the question becomes, “When you lose your ring, how do you tell your wife?” Here are some dos and don’ts…
DO NOT send a guilty-sounding text message. Texting your wife “I LOVE YOU. I’M SORRY,” without further explanation, will send your wife into a panic. This message sounds like you had an affair or ran over the family dog.
DO NOT pretend it’s been misplaced. You can only play this game for so long. By pretending your ring is just missing, you’re just prolonging the inevitable. For every day you insist the ring is simply misplaced, your wife will grow more frustrated that you have yet to find it.
DO NOT lie and say you sent it to be cleaned or adjusted. We’ve seen this excuse used time and time again in the movies and on TV shows. Your wife won’t believe you and will be insulted that you couldn’t just be honest. Besides, like it would ever occur to you to get your ring “cleaned.”
DO take responsibility. Accept that it was your responsibility to care for the ring and now it’s gone. You’ve fucked up. Try to recall the details of when and how it was lost and simply state the facts. Do not place blame on others or your wife. It will only lead to bickering.
DO show remorse. Acknowledge the loss of this sentimental token of your commitment. Show her that your sorry and that your absentmindedness is not a reflection of how you feel about her, just a reflection of how you feel about suddenly wearing jewelry.
DO get a new one. Suggest getting a new (cheaper) ring to wear as soon as possible. Now is not the time to go forgo a ring.
DO accept that she may be angry or upset. Allow her to vent those emotions. If you’re upfront about losing the ring, your wife will forgive you. Just remember to forgive yourself — and be more careful in the future, you big dummy.