What is it about Sarah Palin that TV networks just keep giving her reality shows? Serious question. The former governor of Alaska has signed up for her second reality show, this time on the Sportsman Channel (wherever that is). “Amazing America With Sarah Palin” will highlight “people, places and pasttimes” in America that make it a great country. Or something. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” was cancelled by TLC after only one season, so I don’t have high hopes for this one. But I would watch the following reality shows starring Sarah Palin…
1. “Sarah Palin Vs. The War On Christmas.” Jesus and Sarah go to war against the unpatriotic terrorist heathens who insist on saying “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” All the commercial breaks are for her newest book, Good Tidings And Great Joy: Protecting The Heart Of Christmas.
2. “Sarah Palin’s Fear Factor.” Sarah must face her most debilitating fears, such as gay men kissing and low-income women getting cervical cancer screenings at Planned Parenthood.
3. “Here’s Comes Mama Grizzly.” The Honey Boo Boo fam loves offroading and mud pits and that should naturally appeal to Sarah’s outdoorsy side. Something tells me she wouldn’t be averse to calling the vagina a “biscuit,” either. But obviously they need to get rid of Uncle Poodle and Glitzy the pig first, as both are gay.
4. “Sarah Palin’s Bear Fight.” Cage fights with actual mama grizzly bears. We genuinely are not sure who would win.
5. “Wife Swap: White House.” Sarah tosses the vegetables in the trash and puts Barack on a cigarettes-and-fried-butter diet. She puts a Christmas tree back on the White House holiday card and by the end of the week both Obama girls know how to skin a moose. (Back in Wasilla, Todd feels emasculated when Michelle kicks his ass at snowmobiling.)
6. “Sarah Palin’s Mob Wives.” At least, people who can empathize with shady business dealings! Bonus: these might be the only women in the country that Sarah might actually be afraid of.
Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.
[Image via Getty]