In South Korea, where temperatures are currently arctic and energy costs exorbitant, the most effective, efficient way to stay warm is by inhabiting an indoor tent. One South Korean tent manufacturer claims to have sold more than 4 million in just a couple of weeks. I believe that constitutes a trend!
Soon, thanks to abrupt climate changes brought on by global warming, we’re all going to need to move into indoor tents for survival. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start worrying about the catastrophic weather and natural disasters ahead. Let’s see this as the opportunity we’ve been waiting for since childhood — to spend every waking hour inside a bedroom tent just for the hell of it. Really, it’s not a half-bad lifestyle. Below, some perks of living in an indoor tent.
1. You can’t hear anyone calling you from across the house, asking you to clean the bathroom/fold the laundry, etc. You can’t hear anything, period. It’s the best excuse for doing nothing.
2. Tents inspire play. My favorite game to play in my brother’s bedroom tent (he had one on top of his car bed, so it was double fun) was Chitty Chitty Time Machine. I’m not sure how I came up with the name, but the premise was: make the camouflage flaps shake, scream like hell and “land in another year.” This kept us occupied for entire days. I’m sure now that we’re adults we can come up with something more advanced, plot-wise.
3. Nobody cares what you look like when you live in a tent. Pajamas ALLLLL DAYYYYY!
4. Tents are good for cuddling. Less space + cold temperatures = more cuddling.
5. You can bring in a thermos and a CD of bird sounds and pretend you’re camping. If you want to take it further, you can have your pet play “the bear” or the “raccoon” outside of and heat up can of beans on your “fire” (stove top).
6. Tent sex. If there’s a Facebook fan page for it, it must be something people are way into.
7. Enclosed space makes soothe anxiety. It’s like a private womb.
8. It’s always night in your tent. Which technically means you don’t have to do anything but sleep. Really, what can your boss say to that? Unless you’re a blogger, in which case you might be asked to WFT (work from tent).
9. But if you do feel like staying awake, it’s a great excuse to read by flashlight. Reading by flashlight makes it seem so much more forbidden.
10. Dutch ovens! Not to be crass or anything, but the best thing about tent life is the ability to trap farts and torture your loved ones with them. You can’t say that about an indoor hammock!