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Adam Levine Declared People‘s Sexiest Man Alive

So America’s hottest pretty boy douche, Adam Levine, has been anointed the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine. Though I would totally hit it — however, I would prefer that Blake Shelton also be in the room — I really think People could have done better. As a friend put it on Twitter, “I’ve seen compost piles that are sexier than Adam Levine.” Everyone should know by now that the title of this honor should really be People‘s “Sexiest Man Alive (Who Would Agree To Do A Cover Shoot For The Magazine And Isn’t Embarrassed By All This Award Represents)” — why do you think Ryan Gosling’s never won? Because he would never accept. But think of how many others must have passed for People to finally have arrived at Adam. I’m guessing Idris Elba, Justin Timberlake, the Hemsworth brothers, Chris Pine all said no. Richard Simmons, Bruce Jenner, Scott Disick, Harry Styles … they must have said no too. So now we have Adam. The Sexiest Man Alive. Congrats dude! [People]

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