• Sex

Loudly Masturbating Neighbor Responds To Noise Complaint With Amazing Burn

oh, damn
loud sex note

One of the hazards of apartment living are thin walls and floors that share your every “Oh, baby!” and bed creak with your neighbors. It’s part of life. You get used to it. All of us have sex (I hope) and no one’s sex should be ruined by whiny neighbors.

The polite thing to do when neighbors are having noisy sex is just ignore those amorous rumbles and smile awkwardly at each other in the hallways, pretending you don’t know they just got banged last night.  Only in the most extreme of circumstances — I’m talking you’ve got the flu and a newborn baby — can you bang on the walls. Two or three good thumps should do.

But it’s a violation of alllll kinds of rules of decorum and not-being-an-asshole-hood to post a sign on your neighbor’s front door bitching about their noisy sex. And adding a dis about their stamina?! Oh no, you didn’t!  Allow me to introduce you to the lady from Apartment 517 and her crappy sign-writing neighbor.

The lady in Apartment 517 opened her door one day to see her someone had posted a sign on her door complaining about sex noises coming from inside her apartment:

“Can you please put a record on super loud or something when you are fucking?? I’d really appreciate not having to hear ever single TRUST [sic] and MOAN right through the fucking wall. And I’m SURE you’d rather not share that INFO with complete strangers. Luckily for me… it never lasts very long. “

Most of us would just annoy such a rude note, or maybe steal this woman’s J.Crew catalogs forevermore in retaliation. But the woman in Apartment 517 — who is real and residing in Chicago, a friend of mine knows her — responded with a note of herself.

And it’s brilliant:

“Dear Neighbor.

My, my how lovely to meet you in this incredibly tactful, kind, and civilized manner. Do your really need to post your hissyfit on my door like a whiney scarlet letter? Your obvious frustration with my pleasure saddens and confuses me. I’m not yelling or anything terribly disrespectful. Apparently we have the thinnest walls on Earth, because I assure you, the moans you’re so upset by are masturbation induced. That’s why it doesn’t last very long. I know what I’m doing, porn is free, and I have the best vibrator! I got it at Taboo Taboo down the street. You should really invest in one- you sound a but uh, tense…. SEX IS NATURAL & HEALTHY I am proud of my sexuality, so your attempted SLUT SHAMING is useless here. Had you approached me in a respectful manner, I would’ve been happy to oblige. But we all know our rest is exorbitant. I pay enough to do whatever I please in the privacy of my own home. AND PLEASE I SHALL! I suggest you whip out your big girl panties and deal with it.

Much Love – The Girl in 517″

Go get it, girl!  Sadly, Rude Neighbor is probably not going to get herself a vibrator from Taboo Taboo until she pulls that stick out of her ass.

[Elite Daily]

Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.

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