Ask a Professional Matchmaker: The Answers To Your Relationship Questions!
The Frisky teamed up with Exclusive Matchmaking for our first-ever #FriskyMatch Chat, where you, our loyal Frisky fans, were able to ask Susan (fo’ free!) about the issues you’re facing in your love lives right now.
From how to handle a bad kisser to dealing with the “fade out,” Susan was able to tackle your questions head on. Here’s what she had to say:
Question: I’ve met a wonderful man who is perfect on paper, but I don’t feel a “spark” with him yet. How long should I give it?
Susan Says: Give it time to get to know him. I know people who’ve had an awful first date and there’s nothing there, but went on a second date and it hit them hard. If it’s already been a couple of months, hang it up unless you’re someone who only responds to drama in a relationship. If it isn’t you, don’t waste your time. Some people think they need a roller coaster of emotions to think they’re in love. You can’t force things though; it should happen naturally. Don’t waste his or your time.
Question: I have a hard time with real intimacy and always choose guys who are wrong for me. How can I “let someone in” without being afraid?
Susan Says: Oh, goodness. You have to go the distance! Also, do you know they’re wrong from the start? If so, girlfriend, you need to kick him to the curb from the get-go! Get a dating action plan together and figure out your wants and needs. Write it down. If their behavior doesn’t merit your wonderful self, move on. If it does, open your heart. You won’t be as afraid if you’re making a conscious effort to give yourself to those who are deserving.
Question: My guy is a bit of a sloppy kisser. How can I talk to him about it without offending him?
Susan Says: Oh, no! Terrible!! Don’t talk about it, but instead, take control and show him how you like to be kissed by kissing him the way you want to be kissed. This is an attraction thing. Show him romantic movies & the lip locks you like. Hopefully he gets better, or he’ll likely be toast!
Question: How should I approach the “where is this relationship going?” talk without seeming like I need to define things?
Susan Says: It depends on how long it’s been. In general, watch his actions and you won’t have to ask. Sit back for the ride. For example, you can get an idea just by the way he is treating you. Are you going out on dates every weekend? Is he introducing you to his friends? Do they treat you a special way because he does? Is he considerate of your feelings? If there have only be 3 dates, you don’t need to talk about it. You need to be making sure he knows what your requirements are, though! Even after a couple months, I don’t think you need the chat. You are the prize and he needs to work on winning you over! As women, we give away too much without requiring men to do much. Set your standards. Read a few books. I suggest the Steve Harvey book, “Act Like a Lady & Think Like a Man.” Also, check out Sherry Argov’s book “Why Men Love Bitches.” Steve’s a comedian so don’t take the entire book seriously! The other book just has a clever title. Point is, get what you want without asking.
Question: I took my dream job and moved away, so now my boyfriend (who is still in school) and I are in a long-distance relationship. He was fine with it at first, but now, after two months, he’s kind of giving me an ultimatum: move back or this probably won’t work. I love him but don’t know what to choose. Help!
Susan Says: If he put it that way, it would be over for me. Anyway, you do need to listen to the message. He stated his needs loud & clear. As women, we don’t hear what we don’t want to hear. I am not saying you should pick your career or your boyfriend. Only you can make that decision. Just know if you stay, he is gone. If he isn’t too far along in school, I think a compromise is in order. Gone are the days when women make sacrifices for the man’s career. Compromise is key here, and this is an important skill for your relationship!
Question: What’s with men— even the nice ones— dropping off the face of the earth and not responding at all after 10+ dates & a few PG-13 nights together? And then, when they resurface months later acting as if nothing has happened, what do I do?
Susan Says: Maybe he has an emergency, is in the hospital, was abducted by aliens, or is in a ditch on the side of the road. Chances are he is just a major asshole who didn’t deserve you. He lost interest & after 10 dates, and he owed you an “it’s over.” They always come back though, so be sure not to let him him in. It’s okay to move on, but he should have treated you better.
Question: What makes men approach some groups of girls over others? How can my group of friends & I seem more approachable when we’re out?
Susan Says: Make sure you look approachable by smiling. And take note of your body language- you don’t want to appear to be closed off. Having too many pals in your posse is just too much for him though, so stick to small groups!
Need more of your relationship problems solved? Send your questions/situations to firstname.lastname@example.org, and our resident love guru, Ami, will to to illuminate it (no promises).